tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post3491010118482909575..comments2024-03-26T10:26:51.288-04:00Comments on Jim Leff's Slog: Postcards From My Childhood Part 9: AgingJim Leffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007232702717055047noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-43911695493609298362013-07-20T10:23:01.269-04:002013-07-20T10:23:01.269-04:00Very sorry about your father.
But consider that ...Very sorry about your father. <br /><br />But consider that you may have switched cause and effect. One might similarly observe that colds are caused by blowing our noses too frequently ("See? I told you to stop blowing your nose! Now you've got a full-blown cold and you're blowing it ALL THE TIME!").<br /><br />For time immemorial this has been the course of things for most old people. Crossword puzzle solving, fresh hobbies, comfort zone stretching, and exercise certainly can forestall the inevitable (which is why they're recommended!), but they can't defeat it. Re: the lucky few who do stay sharp and active to the end, researchers haven't found a secret sauce. There are plenty of sharp, vibrant 100 year olds out there who've done very little to "earn" it. It's really quite random.<br /><br />I do understand why you'd view your dad's degradation as a failing. But his closing down and drying up weren't voluntary. Again, one can push back the decline a tad, but one can't beat it. And 88's quite an advanced age for serious degradation to set in. He's been beating the odds for over a decade. <br /><br />You've spotted foreshadowings, but I'm pretty sure gerontologists would attribute those behavioral changes to effect rather than to cause. It would be extremely odd if aging humans experienced a random, unforced ever-increasing attraction for security/convenience which just happened to launch a vicious circle. When you've been sick, say, with the flu, and your strength was sapped and body afflicted, have you, yourself, experienced a bit of that security/convenience attraction? If so, again, consider switching your perception of cause and effect.<br /><br />One thing to consider: he still feels like him inside, even if he's not acting much like him. Is your father who he is, or is he what he does? It's a profound question, and if you can recognize that there's an essence - a lifelong hum - at our root, you'll be more inclined, when you're with him, to be with that essential hum rather than with the more superficial manifestations. If you can manage that, he'd feel it. You'd be offering him deep relief, and you'll learn about yourself. That's useful for when you yourself go through this one day. I hope you'll go easy on yourself as inexorability runs its course. Old age is a process that teaches acceptance. Jim Leffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00007232702717055047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-37490863116041603252013-07-20T01:36:55.197-04:002013-07-20T01:36:55.197-04:00I'm now watching the onset of my 88 year old f...I'm now watching the onset of my 88 year old father's dementia. His memory is slipping; he repeats things he said earlier in the conversation, and then forget the entire conversation a short while later. It's sad to me, because I believe that were he more willing to continue challenging his mind, he could have staved off this unpleasant development, or possibly avoided it entirely. For years I've tried to encourage him to develop a new interest or hobby, because I've watched his world grow smaller as he avoided life's small challenges in the interest of security and convenience. I'm of the belief that aging begins when we stop running up flights of stairs, or cease playing the occasional word game or puzzle, or avoid being silly with your 15 year old son. Unused muscle atrophies, as does the idle brain and the unstirred spirit. We would all do well to feed that remaining spark of youth until our last breath.DValvehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12242475370262942061noreply@blogger.com