tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post6608383256348131268..comments2024-03-26T10:26:51.288-04:00Comments on Jim Leff's Slog: BelongingJim Leffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00007232702717055047noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-10823663743337718942008-06-26T17:46:00.000-04:002008-06-26T17:46:00.000-04:00Excited Gringo/Bored Gringo.That'll be the title o...Excited Gringo/Bored Gringo.<BR/><BR/>That'll be the title of my upcoming BBC series.Jim Leffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00007232702717055047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-32597839384401345422008-06-26T17:38:00.000-04:002008-06-26T17:38:00.000-04:00they'll take a gringo excited by everything as a t...they'll take a gringo excited by everything as a tribute to the depth of their own culture/cuisine etc and they'll be pointing said gringo out for the rest of the evening.<BR/><BR/>but a gringo who's just as bored as they are is news for about three minutes or however long it takes the collective grandpas/grandmas to understand that you haven't wandered in there by mistake.<BR/><BR/>after that, you're one of the crowd. hey its a billion+ people, we're used to differences in a crowd.rajeev joshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02348891473225246349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-70744812818200312332008-06-26T14:53:00.000-04:002008-06-26T14:53:00.000-04:00Yeah, ok, I totally get it. If I had been, like, F...Yeah, ok, I totally get it. If I had been, like, FASCINATED by the awful stand-up comedy, if I had affably grabbed for my wallet to buy the tickets, if I had worked the room during the buffet, meeting everyone with bright big happy eyes and endless interest, I'd have been the biggest, most flagrant gringo EVER. <BR/><BR/>So I was belonging more than I ever imagined.<BR/><BR/>But the question is: do THEY know that? Or, in their minds, was I a gringo put off by their "foreign ways"?Jim Leffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00007232702717055047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-22628236441511413602008-06-26T14:30:00.000-04:002008-06-26T14:30:00.000-04:00exactly! EVERYONE's bored at those things and the ...exactly! EVERYONE's bored at those things and the quality of food is guaranteed to be lousy (its been donated/discounted whatever). nobody really wants to be at those things - they are there because the hassle of showing up beat the hassle of ignoring the organizer.<BR/><BR/>everybody played their part - including the no shows.<BR/><BR/>fyi - indians can be relentless. i just had a friend visit from bombay who hassled me like crazy to change my plans so i could have a drink with him sunday evening. of course theres no sign of him sunday, but come monday morning he calls and starts swearing at me for ignoring him sunday. then he forgives me by arranging another date.<BR/><BR/>and i admit - i do this too.rajeev joshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02348891473225246349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-68857530186271696452008-06-26T14:20:00.000-04:002008-06-26T14:20:00.000-04:00Ah, excellent point! In a twisted sense, I actuall...Ah, excellent point! In a twisted sense, I actually proved myself one of the group by running away! Maybe I didn't betray anyone after all!<BR/><BR/>But it wasn't the pushiness that turned me off, per se. It was the disorienting realization that I hadn't pretend-joined, as usual, but, had found myself truly ensconced in someone else's family, warts and all. They were all blinking at me in paisano/clan-hood. Man, I could have probably borrowed money from any of them, the whole thing totally freaked me out, I wasn't really ready for that....which revealed me as a horrendous phony, after all my sanctimonious joy re: crossing borders and singing kumbaya with the united waiters of Benetton.<BR/><BR/>But, again, maybe that reaction was totally dead-on right. You know, I just remembered....while I spent 2.5 hours bored out of my skull watching that bad stand-up comedy in a foreign language, I peered around the audience and it was clear that about 90% of them were as bored as I was (and the kids weren't even hiding it). So maybe the only reaction to every single bit of this story is to nod one's head vigorously, saying "Very good! That's exactly right!!"Jim Leffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00007232702717055047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-89024720744060329802008-06-26T14:00:00.000-04:002008-06-26T14:00:00.000-04:00i should point out that just as you got the friend...i should point out that just as you got the friends and family get hard sell, what you gave back was a typical friends and family response by letting your membership lapse.<BR/><BR/>if you join up again, all you'll get is pure appreciation and warm fuzzy statements - till the NEXT hard sell. and so the wheel spins on ..rajeev joshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02348891473225246349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-16855299553221438292008-06-26T13:43:00.000-04:002008-06-26T13:43:00.000-04:00Sure, but no way he'd have felt comfortable enough...Sure, but no way he'd have felt comfortable enough to inflict me with that friends-and-relatives level of cultural pushiness unless he deemed me an insider. And I'd used a brute strength attack to attain insider-ship, using tactics learned from decades in restaurants. And it was highly inappropriate of me to use those skills on civilians. Every Indian or Hawaiian or Sichuan is not a restaurateur. <BR/><BR/>My mechanic (and buddy), Tony, a real wheeler-dealer, loves to tell people he "loves" them. Sometimes that means he likes them (a little), sometimes it means he wants to demonstrate how gentle he is, sometimes it means he needs to ask a favor. It's become his habit. But he doesn't watch reactions as closely as I do, and I see the fallout as people buy it a little.Jim Leffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00007232702717055047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4640470443420164863.post-33619811072013952152008-06-26T12:05:00.000-04:002008-06-26T12:05:00.000-04:00indians - like most asians - have a hard time sayi...indians - like most asians - have a hard time saying no.<BR/><BR/>so they ignore the subject, become evasive, disappear, don't pick up the phone, say the check is in the mail etc.<BR/><BR/>as an evolutionary response, the pushiness has become very aggressive. and when that pushiness meets normal gringo politeness ... ouch.<BR/><BR/>btw - you did give us a hint which state it was.rajeev joshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02348891473225246349noreply@blogger.com