Deep Thoughts on Toilet Paper

I am not a conservationist. Yet I did find this argument against toilet paper compelling. The writer recommends, in passing, an item called the TOTO washlet, which I curiously looked up on Amazon, and found that it's well reviewed....by Amazon users who've turned their euphemism settings up to "high".

Language digression: when will people recognize that euphemisms are always ickier than straight discussion of the thing they're dancing around? Much as I find the phrase "the N word" far more offensive than "nigger", the repeated use of "freshness" in reviews for this product strikes me as downright revolting....whereas "shooting water at your butt" (in the words of one renegade reviewer) barely twitches my shock-meter.

"Freshness" hardly masks the prissy disgust; one can just smell the shit (similarly, "the N word" binds up megatons more racism than a flat-out utterance of the stupid word).

So where was I? Ah, yes: shooting water at your butt. I agree with the Quora guy that toilet paper is really silly....and imperfect....and wasteful...and expensive. And the "freshness" (I can't even look at that word now) oriented reviewers on Amazon seem to consider this washlet thing The Solution.

I may try it - and I'd like to say I'll report back. But, really, I won't. There are some realms where I prefer not to shine my critical reviewing skills. But, if you want, do your own diligence.

And, hey, stay fresh out there....


Update: check out a perspective-flipping discussion titled "I have heard that most Indians don't use toilet paper..." The cleverest and most persuasive posting therein is also the shortest one.