I replied:
Affects the bejesus out of me. As a professional writer, I have a shrinking palette of expressible thoughts and a growing pile of taboo words and phrases (which can't even be used to express "nice" things, because everyone's blindly pattern-matching so they can point-and-shriek at deviants) unless I'm willing to undertake being Mr. Provocateur, choosing hill after hill to die on as the potential target of an incensed mob - current, and forward into perpetuity.
If my life circumstances compelled me to seek conformity and approbation, I'd need to watch my words very carefully because it all goes on your permanent record and we're all judged retroactively.
I have non-extreme leftist friends who self-edit with the blind terror of East Germans circa 1955. While they don't love it, it normalizes because they'll never question the program they're sleepily going along with. From my centrist perch, it's like watching moderate conservatives express mild discomfort toward the excesses of today's (unimaginably shameless and awful) GOP. Cultural inertia drives us to overlook copious batshittery, and it's hard to shake it off without risking your precious tribal affiliation. I'm surely reading to many people like Lauren frigging Boebert here, because we live in an endgame dystopia of binary oppositional extremism.
I know the answer. "It's better now because we're making everyone talk NICER." And nicer talking means a nicer world for nice people who want to arrange their glass menagerie of fellow humans JUST SO. But that entire proposition is galling. Not only does the end not justify the means; the end has proven worthless. Thirty years of socially electrocuting anyone saying "nigger" in any context and with any intent has not tamped down actual racism one iota. It's a failed experiment.
So this both offends AND affects me, and doesn't help society in any material way except to make the strident feel "empowered". Gives them something to bitch about without having to think/work. A generation fancies itself as carrying on John Lewis' credo of "good trouble" by lazily spewing weaponized snark on social media. Jesus.
Well said. And sadly, you’re right about these winners of the victim olympics; hence my cowardly anon kudos. Still, I thought you should hear it from a writer who values eloquent, honest communication.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting, anon or not.
ReplyDeleteI'm not willing to endorse a phrase like "winners of the victim olympics", because that seems to cover people who genuinely deserve some special discretion.
How to draw that line? Sensible minds may disagree, and I'd draw it very far north of "anyone with a beef, real or contrived." But it does matter, IMO, that we call Tibet "Tibet" and not "Tibet Autonomous Region", etc etc. Also: context is everything. It matters if a hot-button word is used amiably or in anger.
That was the criterion for post deletion on Chowhound. Use any language you'd like, but don't deliberately attack people with it. Someone (assuming I'd be particularly sensitive to my own tribe) asked, in response to our permitting posts mentioning "White Trash Cuisine" (which freaked some folks into a horrendous froth), how I'd like it if someone posted about "Jew knishes".
My answer (which I thought was pretty Solomonic, albeit vulgar) was "'Those are some amazing Jew knishes' is ok, but 'Don't make me eat any of those fucking Jew cakes' or 'The cashier jewed me out of ten bucks' is not". IMO, the problem isn't the word at all, it's entirely the intention.
"How do you distinguish intention?" comes the inevitable reply.
"If you need to sniff carefully to decide, give the person benefit of the doubt" was my answer.
Hatred is seldom subtle. In fact, if it IS subtle, it's not really hatred, it's merely aversion. And I have no problem with people feeling an aversion to, say, Jews. We thankfully haven't yet reached the point where everyone is obligated to LOVE Jews ("they're so good with money!").
And nobody should be compelled to kiss someone with a mug like mine just because aversions are unfair. Certain human realities are inevitable, and it's ok. Me? I earn my way on both fronts. I've been kissed by some of the best.
That’s more eloquent (and understandable) diplomacy on your part, but I’ll stand by “victim olympics” because real victims obviously aren’t playing a game. They suffer for real.
ReplyDeleteParticipants in the victim olympics, on the other hand, have found a way to “compete” which requires no effort or value-add to society.
There are plenty of situations where victims may be less victimized if they raise awareness of their victimhood. So while I fully share your disdain toward the element you’re disdaining, painting with a broad brush weakens your otherwise valid point.
ReplyDeleteI’m not a fan of these sorts of canned cable news sobriquets. Better to bake fresh. That’s the only way, I believe, to achieve anything close to “eloquent, honest communication”.
A victim raising awareness of their victimhood seeks justice.
ReplyDeleteCompetitors in the victim olympics seek undeserved status.
It would be very hard for anyone to confuse the two activities.
I don't watch cable news, but the more accurate ten-dollar word to use in that context, if you're trying to insult me, would be "epithet," not sobriquet.
"Better to bake fresh." Agreed. So why are you responding to me with stale cliches like "painting with a broad brush," Jim? I demand gourmet, and you serve me Leff-overs?
I don't understand how this got competitive or "insulting" for you. I thought we were just discussing. Thanks for the comments!
ReplyDeleteComparisons to cable news are often made derisively, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
ReplyDeleteI've rather enjoyed the discussion. I do like your writing. Respect.
How dare you use the N word!!!
ReplyDeleteLook at you, all able to pattern match and everything. So glad I was born into this world of subtle comprehension.
ReplyDeleteTo me, "The N Word" is the most offensive construction of all. It evokes all the vileness of the word it pretends to deprecate, plus a big greasy gloop of self-love. "I'm just too NICE to say 'nigger', so I say the N word, which totally doesn't make anyone think 'nigger' and that makes me A-OK."
Sure, man. Sure it does.
The day it becomes popular parlance to mention "The K Word" (kike - an old-timey anti-semitic term), is the day I buy a firearm.