Feel Free To Ask Me Questions

I've covered this before, but I have it clearer now. Remember, my thing is to grind away on mystifying chunks. Over the very long run, ideas and connections pop out. And I never stop till I'm fully satisfied. I'm a testament to the fruits of dim-witted curious persistence, and I'm getting closer to a satisfying answer on this one (my final insight, before the nurse unplugs my life support, will be a complete grasp of why people stand up at the end of flights, jostling uncomfortably, knowing that it takes ten minutes to open the doors).

I have never once in 61 years told anyone to "feel free to ask me questions." Because of course you can ask me questions! What's the alternative, "Don't ask me any questions"? To me, it seems like a ridiculously pointless statement, ala

Feel free to have your own opinion!
Feel free to greet me when you see me!
Feel free to keep breathing!

People who make a big deal about how they'll answer questions seem to close that window particularly swiftly. Ask a question, and you'll get a very very patient reply. Painfully so. And if you push your luck and keep asking, the pain increases as patience wanes. "Feel free to ask me any questions" means ask me one question, two max, and then leave me the hell alone. It tells you not to push it! Consider this: "Feel free to keep breathing" implies circumstances where you shouldn't keep breathing.

Me, I'll answer forever (unless you behave like a shmuck). Why wouldn't I? Wouldn't you? It's natural for me, which is precisely why I'd never make that odd invitation. Saying that line means it's not natural for you. It announces a guarded exception. Like an invitation to come on in THIS TIME, while a squad of mercenaries point automatic weaponry at you. You're good, no need for anxiety, but clock's ticking, dude.

Why would answering questions require patience or cause pain? Is helpfulness really so annoying? Also: is your knowledge really so valuable that it's some feat of generosity to share it?

Look at all I've shared over these sixteen years! I'd never frame this as a humanitarian sacrifice; never lord over you that I know things you don't. On the contrary, I exhort readers to take my imperfectly conceived and foggily expressed insights and develop them further, and do better. Everything I'm good at, I've revealed the secrets. And I'm not even nice! So why wouldn't someone entertain questions about using an air fryer or about cheap eats in Aruba? Are people really that tight?

For many (most?) people, inviting questions is akin to saying "punch me in the face!" It's a special occasion sacrifice, grimly endured, and don't imagine taking a second or third swing. So when you hear that invitation, know you're on shaky ground and borrowed time. Accept your one cookie and scram.


I once had a cooking question. Ages ago, I'd been friends with an expert/author on the exact topic, but I felt abashed to pop up after so many years just to ask a question. So I sent an anonymous query, claiming (truthfully) to be a fan and reader. She took two months(!) to reply, and it was so high-handed and grudging and hasty and shitty that I felt....dehumanized. Like asking to borrow a pencil and someone hands you a saliva-coated, much-chewed pencil with a broken point. Worse than no pencil at all. And I know she's not so busy. Some/many/most/all people seem badly skewed about who they are, versus who other people are. What a rotten way to live...