Food Chemistry Marches Forward

A couple years ago I wrote an article entitled "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Artificial Flavors", in which I explained how I'd reached a position of acceptance toward a future in which actual deliciousness, rather than vulgar, soulless emulation, is created via test tubes and chemistry. Food chemists, I noted, seemed to be getting closer and closer.

They're not there yet, but for an update, try the chipotle barbecue sauce on McDonald's grilled chicken wraps. The future is approaching.

The Crusaders Among Us

"Jesus Killed Mohammed," by Jeff Sharlet in the current Harper's Magazine (May 2009), is a must-read describing elements in the US military deeming the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan a Christian jihad - precisely the neo-crusade many in the Muslim world have been accusing us of perpetrating.

Consider: the soldiers who painted the phrase "Jesus killed Mohammed" in giant red Arabic script on their Bradley fighting vehicle. Or the soldier quoted as saying "“Each time I go into combat I get closer to God." Or the stupendously aggressive evangelizing of Air Force cadets by elements in their senior command whose aim is to turn our armed forces into de facto missionaries:

"What men such as these have fomented is a quiet coup within the armed forces: not of generals encroaching on civilian rule but of religious authority displacing the military’s once staunchly secular code. Not a conspiracy but a cultural transformation, achieved gradually through promotions and prayer meetings, with personal faith replacing protocol according to the best intentions of commanders who conflate God with country. They see themselves not as subversives but as spiritual warrior -- "ambassadors for Christ in uniform,” according to Officers’ Christian Fellowship; “government paid missionaries,” according to Campus Crusade’s Military Ministry"

Not real great for the whole "hearts and minds" thing...

The article is not legitimately available online. So read it with ergonomic comfort in the magazine - i.e. support the publication of excellent articles covering crucial topics ignored by other press - or else read it in horrendous formatting pasted into a message board as a likely copyright violation.

I heard about this article in an illuminating radio interview with the brilliant Reza Aslan, author of the just-published How to Win a Cosmic War: God, Globalization, and the End of the War on Terror, which I plan to read soon.

Blogging the Pandemic Part 5

I finally heard from my doctor. She notes that there are other strains of flu going around, and since I'm feeling better, there's no need for me to be tested. Which makes sense, though if only severe flu cases are reported and tested, I worry that it might skew the data...

Blogging the Pandemic Part 4

Feeling much better; Excessive sleep plus oscillococcinum have helped a lot. Really, the most unusual thing about this flu is that it's the mildest I've ever had. I'm still quite sure that it was flu - those sorts of muscle aches don't come from colds.

The government is still reporting only a handful of cases in New York. Of course, I have no way of knowing if I've got swine flu or another strain. But my doctor still hasn't gotten back to me, and I suspect lots of other data hasn't yet made its way into the system. The fact that this all ramped up over a weekend has surely delayed reportage.

Many people don't understand that the very worst variety of flu is most deadly to those with young, healthy immune systems, aged 20 to 40. The peril comes from the so-called cytokine storm wherein the immune system superheats in trying to repel invaders. You're killed not by the virus, but by your own defenses. Older and younger people, and those with unhealthy immune systems, are much less likely to suffer this fate because their immune systems aren't so studly to begin with.

This might explain why the Queens kids who apparently caught the flu in Mexico (and those kids who caught it from them) exhibited such a mild form of the flu that's been so deadly in Mexico. And it would explain my easy fate, as well (I'm 46) if swine flu's what I've got. We may just be lucky that no one of the right age has caught this thing.

Meanwhile, I've read a couple of reports like this indicating that the situation in Mexico may be far worse than has been reported.

Please wash hands like you've got OCD, and buy a couple boxes of oscillococcinum!

Blogging the Pandemic Part 3

I've slept 15 of the past 24 hours, and am feeling a bit better (oscillococcinum + sleep almost always works for me). I just faxed my doctor to find out if I should go somewhere to contribute my data. 

I'm living out every male's ideal: to be sick, and to have the entire world be in turmoil about it!

The Dalai Lama Knows Just What to Say

The Dalai Lama, hanging out with the homeless in San Francisco, had a great quote, as reported by San Jose Mercury News:

"Our lives depend on others," said the Dalai Lama. "Me too. My life depends on others. You are still in human society, human community. Please feel happy and feel dignity."

We're All Torturers Now

Slate's Dahlia Lithwick has insightfully noticed that our society seems to have turned a corner with regard to our attitude toward the use of torture. The following sums up her case, but do give the whole article a read; it's short.

The MPs caught abusing prisoners at Abu Ghraib later claimed that they did so because they were merely following orders from superiors, orders to "soften up" the detainees who would then be more amenable to interrogation. I keep wondering whether they inadvertently softened up the rest of us as well. We have become so casual about torture that we now openly debate its efficacy—something nobody would have dared do in the first days after Abu Ghraib. The fight playing out between the left and the right now isn't "Did we water-board?" We already knew we did. It is barely even "Was it legal?" Virtually nobody seriously argues that it was. The fight we are having in America now is "Did it work?" And if we manage to persuade ourselves that torture does work, whether it's legal or even moral will no longer matter. And such tactics will never be able to horrify us again.

Blogging the Pandemic, Part 2

Fever 100-101, muscle ache, fuzzy headed, some stomach tempest ('you're welcome' for the euphemism). Those kids in Queens who got flu tended to show sore throat, which I don't have, so I'm trying to determine if there are other flu strains out there. It sure feels like flu, though. Especially the muscle ache.

In any case, not doing that bad. As usual, oscillococcinum seems to be helping me skate over the worst of the ugliness. Most drug stores carry it, but it's ubiquitous in health food stores if you want to stock up. Obviously, I have no commercial interest...

The media, per their tendency, is screaming about the imminent pandemic, but they're not noting that the variant we're getting around here (see that link above) seems real mild. If a few million people got this particular flu, it would not be the end of the world, though still certainly something fit to be called a pandemic. What I haven't seen explained, though, is why the flu's killing dozens in Mexico, while these kids and other transporters seem to have come down with a milder form. Weird.

Meanwhile, I'm grateful for any flu antibodies I'm currently developing. It would be nice to have immunity if the deadly one starts spreading around. Maybe I could charge people $30 to cough near them so they can train their immune systems on this milder form...hmm....

I've Caught This Flu (please read for remedy suggestion!)

I'm pretty sure I've got this flu. No reason to panic, or even for concern...while the current flu in Mexico is serious, the version in the US, though extremely contagious, is considered very mild by flu standards. It has a really short incubation time -  symptoms appear 1 or 2 days after exposure.

Do me a favor. Hit a pharmacy and buy some Oscillococcinum, the homeopathic flu remedy, to have on hand. I totally don't believe in homeopathy...I think it's an utterly bogus concept. But this stuff, for some reason, ALWAYS works for flu. Here's instructions: as soon as you spot symptoms, on an empty stomach, dissolve the contents of one tube under your tongue. Don't eat for an hour. And don't brush with mint toothpaste for a couple of days...use baking soda or just a dry brush (mint is supposed to interfere). You shouldn't need to take more, but if symptoms do appear, take a half a tube once or twice per day. And avoid mint anything.

Since homeopathic drugs contain essentially nothing, you shouldn't have side effects. One thing is that if it works, you may feel mildly tired for the length of time you'd otherwise have been sick (it's a lot better than getting sick! you can function!). But no other symptoms should appear.

Since we may be facing a global pandemic of a more serious variety of this flu, it may actually be a good thing for your body to form some antibodies. No one's sure about cross-immunity, but I'll take all the antibodies I can get, in case the more serious strain comes north.

Sorry for the clunky writing...gotta sleep...I don't feel that bad, though; this is pretty lite as flus go....

Bubbles, Slogs, and Selling Out: Part 10

Previous installment
First installment
All installments in reverse chronological order

The business development guy from CNET beat around the bush for a while, but it quickly became clear that he was thinking acquisition. And that suited me fine. I'd been a fan of CNET's tech reviews and radio efforts, plus they owned Ziff-Davis, which had hosted the Macintosh support forums on Compuserve I helped operate back in the 1980's. But the important thing was that CNET had a reputation for offering dependable, savvy information to a discerning audience. This was the sort of company that would know better than to dumb down Chowhound; to do anything that might repel our smart users and irreversibly dilute our data.

To be sure, CNET knew nothing about food. This fact made the subsequent announcement of our acquisition quite surprising to many parties. I myself never saw a disjoint. Data is data, opinions are opinions, and networked communities are networked communities. The actual subject is the least important element. I feel similarly perplexed when people are surprised that I'm able to write about non-food topics; as if they expected me to turn completely inarticulate and moronic when it comes to subjects non-lasagna-related.

I wasn't looking for a company with deep experience in Haianese chicken rice and marrons glacés. Food's just a topic; Chowhound's prospective overlords certainly didn't need to walk around in aprons all day. In fact, food expertise would have been a strike against them. Chowhound's perspective was maverick and iconoclastic; allowing it to be subverted by old school food authorities would have been disastrous (would you want to see McSweeney's bought out by Readers Digest?). What was important was a familiarity with savvy audiences and with online culture. CNET had been deeply into both for years...but with fewer calories.

CNET hoped to add a "lifestyles" division to build out the Web 2.0-ish momentum of some of their previously acquired properties. It made sense. I was invited to San Francisco to discuss, and before I knew it, I found myself on an airplane headed west.

I was met by the business development guy I'd spoken to on the phone, who I'll call Clay. You probably have run into someone like Clay; the sort of fellow with vast confidence in his own charm. He locks eye contact meaningfully, modulates his voice with layers of gooey honey, and carefully apes your body english. Most of all, he diligently affirms everything you say. No matter what I'd ask, he'd lock eyes with me, let me feel his love, part his tense mouth into a mirror-honed smile, and cry "Yes!!! Of COURSE!". To test him, I'd ask questions where I knew the answer was a clear "no". "Clay, would I be able to bring my pet Komodo dragon with me into the office?" "Jim, YES!!! Of COURSE!"

At the end of the day - any day at all - Clay will have uttered "at the end of the day" several dozen times. He spoke entirely in corporate cliches (I learned not to grimace), and had trouble following complex thoughts (I learned to speak in bullet points). But this is what a bizdev guy is: shallow, slippery, and full of himself. He's a dealmaker. And since he was the force within CNET advocating for Chowhound's acquisition, he was my dealmaker!

After lots of time spent with Clay, I was taken around to meet the folks I'd actually be working with. First there was Martin Green, a vice president with great gentility and a nimble mind. He described his vision for the lifestyle division, which I found highly creative and very smart. And I told him so...causing eyes to narrow cynically. I was, apparently, "kissing his ass".

Martin was terrific, as were most of the other potential future coworkers. I did meet Neil Ashe (currently the CEO, back then the #2) briefly. He has the pudgy cheeks of a bashful little boy but the manner of a swaggering corporate cowboy. Six months later, as I attended to personal business in front of a CNET urinal, Ashe stepped in beside me and actually struck a Captain Morgan pose; an image I'll never manage to expunge (I used only stalls for the remainder of my tenure). Nothing substantive was discussed with Ashe, and I was pulled hastily out of his office after a very short time. I got the impression the guy was considered too ornery to expose to an acquisition prospect during the delicate buttering-up process.

Indeed, I did have one interesting moment with him. I mentioned that I had a fresh idea in the health field that would instantly attract a demographic advertisers would drool over. His reaction almost made me erupt in guffaws. Grinning with infinite condescension, he wagged his head one single time, a quick jerk from left to right: "no". As if to say, no, chowhound, you really kinda don't. Ha ha, listen to our little Betty Crocker with his ADORABLE big plans! I LOVE this guy! Now off you go! Woops, don't forget your napkin! Buh-bye, now!

(To this day, no one's thought of my idea. It would be enormous; like Chowhound, it's something the Web was born to provide, and it's almost unbelievable to me that it remains unconceived. I didn't have to offer it to CNET, and, in retrospect, it's just as well they spurned it.)

Gratuitous condescension was certainly not a deal-killer. In fact, I found his bluntness refreshing. I fully understood that once Chowhound was sold, I'd have limited say in its operation - though Clay did his best to paint a future for me as a respected and autonomous player within the company. That's his job! I smiled and expressed polite, if slightly detached, pleasure in the thought of my destiny as a corporate middle manager.

I also met one Max Mead, a finance wiz who worked with Clay. Max's non-stop business patter is incomprehensible to mere mortals. Like the Hybrid character in Battlestar Galactica, the brilliance of what he's saying is palpable, but one can never quite wrap one's mind around it. Max didn't just do finance for CNET, he lived it and breathed it. He loved the stuff - and his earnest passion for his job made me love Max. I later found out that, while Clay would never admit it, Max was the guy who had first brought Chowhound to his attention. If there's a hero in this saga, let it be Max.

Having strewn the narrative with multiple spoilers, I'll move next time to the utterly anticlimactic Offer scene, and then we'll talk about the soul-sucking process known as "due diligence", which is only slightly less fun than jailhouse rape.

Read the next installment (#11)