Thank heavens I'm also a Jew. That's awesome, because it stamps my victimization card. Best of all, no one would be caught dead calling me gross for being Jewish. That'd be racist!
I finally see my course forward. I must grow a long beard and curly sideburns, wear a black hat and coat, and affect a Yiddish accent. But also retain my worldliness - which will seem refreshing ("he's a Jew who knows the best Carolina pulled pork places and who's played in top jazz groups!"). I should have done this years ago, but, finally, I'm movin' on up.
I once had a hellish date with a Marxist professor of Woke Studies (or whatever) who spent the first twenty minutes lecturing me about how white men are a toxic blight upon the world. When she finally paused to catch her breath, I pointed out that I, myself, am a white man. "Oh, no!" she cried, beaming at me with benevolent good will. "You're not white; you're Jewish!"
As so often happens on dates, I turned to the side camera, wryly cocked an eyebrow, and mumbled "check, please". But not a single titter from the clouds.
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