Monday, December 9, 2019

Insecurity

Late last night, some part of me itched (I'm not being discreet; I honestly don't remember where...I was 99% asleep at the time). En route to the itch, my hand was astonished to confront my abdomen extended considerably forward from where it ought to have been.

Perpetually skinny readers will find this horrifying description puzzling and unrelatable. The rest understand.

I might easily have launched into a mental reverie of despair for letting my weight get to this point (I'm ten pounds shy of my all-time peak). But then I recalled that I've been at the gym every day this week (after two months off due to injuries and illness) where I've been working out like a Tasmanian Devil. I've been eating very modestly, as well.

I also recalled all the morbidly obese gym newcomers I'd glimpsed over the years seeming uncomfortable and self-conscious. I always wanted (if I weren't so shy) to reassure such people:
This is not the place for you to be self-conscious. The gym is where you should hold your head high. If I see you in a doughnut shop, that's another thing. But here? You're like a shaggy-headed person in a barber's chair. You're like a muddy-handed person standing over a sink. You're in exactly the right place, doing exactly the right thing. This moment isn't your insecurity; this is your strength.
Thoroughly inoculated, I turned over and contentedly fell back asleep.

2 comments:

Display Name said...

I love these slice of life posts Jim. Swimming is a great excercise but I don't see any insecure pool peeps at my gym. All swimmers have well-toned bodies there. Even buying a new bathing suit is not for the faint of heart. Did that one woman with the brand new gym outfit quit yet? The one that you gave one week? I do free weights and the machines after warming up on the treads but my new secret tech is dressing very warmly and taking my energetic pup for a walk in his favorite park. Great job getting a good rest.

Anonymous coward said...

I mostly feel insecure about being underemployed. I got a 4 year degree in computer science and work a job someone still in high school could perform. Yet, I am too embarrassed and ashamed to walk into the unemployment office, searching for a better job fills me with rage, and I am way too self conscious to reach out to my college or other college graduates.

To be fair, when I reached out to my friend, he said "beggars can't be choosers." Basically shaming me for not having a better job.

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