The very worst waiters that I've ever seen all had something in common:
They all felt that being a waiter was beneath them.
When, in fact, being a waiter was well above them.
It was their superiority that made them inferior.
This much appreciated posting from way back in 2010 was only the start of my recognition of how upside down and embarrassing everything is.
Tuesday, September 22, 2026
Sunday, September 20, 2026
Juice Squeeze
You cannot, in the present era, sell a used item to another person for a stated price.
If an item is worth $50 and you price it at $40, you will either be ignored (because there's clearly something wrong with it) or else be counter-offered $25.
It's been years since I've seen anyone accept an offer as-is.
I don't think it's stinginess. It's competitive imperative. People rush forward to perform the juice squeeze to indulge their adversarial impulses. An opportunity to conquer and crush! Unilateralism! It's a bit like Sue and the speed bump.
I recently posted an item for sale, making abundantly clear that the (very fair) $100 price was firm, and was flooded with messages ala "$85".
I replied to one:
I can't do that, for four reasons:
If an item is worth $50 and you price it at $40, you will either be ignored (because there's clearly something wrong with it) or else be counter-offered $25.
It's been years since I've seen anyone accept an offer as-is.
I don't think it's stinginess. It's competitive imperative. People rush forward to perform the juice squeeze to indulge their adversarial impulses. An opportunity to conquer and crush! Unilateralism! It's a bit like Sue and the speed bump.
I recently posted an item for sale, making abundantly clear that the (very fair) $100 price was firm, and was flooded with messages ala "$85".
I replied to one:
Do you see any way to do this without launching a game of “Haggling and Screwing”?To be fair, current conditions make everyone overcharge now, to grant the sadists and conquerors their crushing victories. We charge $150, and let ourselves be bargained down to $100.
Can you imagine a universe where someone charges a fair price, and you pay that price, and you’re happy? Or does that sound empty and pointless? Am I silly for even suggesting it?"
I can't do that, for four reasons:
1. I'm generous, so I prefer charging a fair price and making people happy. That, to me, is the win.So I don't make many sales!
2. I'm efficient, and this route seems like a great big slobbering needless ordeal.
3. I don't like getting roped into dramatic shtick.
4. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Thursday, September 17, 2026
Opt-In, Opt-Out
There will never be a channel for people who do things I find interesting to inform me about new interesting things without inevitably filling the channel with blather.
I've now been internetting for 34 years, signing up for mailing lists and notifications I was inevitably compelled to ignore or to cancel. And I'm convinced it will always be thus.
There's something about the human world that won't allow genuine opt-in update channels to maintain their integrity.
I've now been internetting for 34 years, signing up for mailing lists and notifications I was inevitably compelled to ignore or to cancel. And I'm convinced it will always be thus.
There's something about the human world that won't allow genuine opt-in update channels to maintain their integrity.
Monday, September 14, 2026
Extra Spaghetti
I added a few new lines to "The 'Spaghetti-in-the-Face' of it All".
Sometimes, after all the shucking and jiving, I find that I hadn't stated my point cleanly. Not that I feel obliged, but since this posting offered the same insight from several different viewing angles, it seemed appropriate to include a nice, straight shot with no top spin at all.
Sometimes, after all the shucking and jiving, I find that I hadn't stated my point cleanly. Not that I feel obliged, but since this posting offered the same insight from several different viewing angles, it seemed appropriate to include a nice, straight shot with no top spin at all.
Will You Still Be Sending Me a Valentine?
This photo would meet with his approval.
When I was a child, I felt that I had a line of communication open with my elder self, and received guidance therefrom.
Now that I'm old, it's the other way. I solicit *his* approval. Am I doing ok?
Guess I missed the crossover point. Oh well.
See also "Postcards from my Childhood", wherein I recount notes I sent my future self, worried that he'd forget essential stuff.
Sunday, September 13, 2026
The "Spaghetti-in-the-Face" of it All
Every day the world throws a plate of spaghetti in your face.
And if you wake up in the morning saying, "I will not tolerate having a plate of spaghetti thrown in my face," you'll have a very bad experience here.
Sure enough, most people have a very bad experience here.
It's a hallmark of aristocrats to eagerly draw red circles around the Unacceptable. They're accustomed to having their preferences coddled. Others come into more frequent contact with unavoidable friction, providing opportunities to perhaps stumble into acceptance, while aristocrats persistently assume they have a veto over how things work.
At this point everyone in the First World is an aristocrat, and thus entitled to draw red lines that God, the universe, or whatever must respect, even though, hilariously, they never do (every one of us is a survivor of multiple encounters with the Unthinkable).
If, on the other hand, you lick your face and exclaim, "Mmm, spaghetti!" — or simply accept the experience neutrally — then you'll have a much better time here. And since we have free latitude to interpret anything in any way, one might even decide that an abrupt delivery of spaghetti is the Universe's notion of a beneficent gift, like the lovely fresh oxygen and life-giving sunlight (which the perennially irritated might frame as oppressive, as well).
But we're not taught to do that. Quite the contrary! We live in a world of people who feel they deserve better than to have a face full of spaghetti. Which makes the spaghetti-in-the-face result all the more uproarious.
Despising the spaghetti began with an arbitrary — even whimsical — choice. Another hallmark of aristocrats is the lavish accounting of despised things. The litany proudly defines them, and anything disrespecting those sharp borders is declared unacceptable. First on many lists: surprise and disruption.
So one must be super nonconformist to go, "Mmm, spaghetti! Delicious!"
You'd look like a fucking lunatic.
There's social stigma there. You'll be far more in step with society if you sputter and curse and fume and rage continually as the world vexes you, like the bully in a silent film comedy.
Everybody imagines the world compels their response. It does not. We respond according to our own framing.
Stuff happens, and we give it meaning in our post-processing.
And we are amazingly, hilariously, mind‑bendingly free in that assignment
....at least if we're not striving to conform.
The "Verses on the Faith Mind by The 3rd Zen Patriarch" (aka Hsin Hsin Ming) is an astounding bit of medieval Chinese wisdom, but it was written in a very different era for a very different culture, making it more inaccessible than is necessary. Here, I'm trying to take the gist and modernize it.
Have a taste of the original:
The "spaghetti-in-your-face" trials and tribulations are sufficient to leave a majority of the population in sour aggrievement. But what about worse stuff? Here's my take.
And if you wake up in the morning saying, "I will not tolerate having a plate of spaghetti thrown in my face," you'll have a very bad experience here.
Sure enough, most people have a very bad experience here.
It's a hallmark of aristocrats to eagerly draw red circles around the Unacceptable. They're accustomed to having their preferences coddled. Others come into more frequent contact with unavoidable friction, providing opportunities to perhaps stumble into acceptance, while aristocrats persistently assume they have a veto over how things work.
At this point everyone in the First World is an aristocrat, and thus entitled to draw red lines that God, the universe, or whatever must respect, even though, hilariously, they never do (every one of us is a survivor of multiple encounters with the Unthinkable).
If, on the other hand, you lick your face and exclaim, "Mmm, spaghetti!" — or simply accept the experience neutrally — then you'll have a much better time here. And since we have free latitude to interpret anything in any way, one might even decide that an abrupt delivery of spaghetti is the Universe's notion of a beneficent gift, like the lovely fresh oxygen and life-giving sunlight (which the perennially irritated might frame as oppressive, as well).
But we're not taught to do that. Quite the contrary! We live in a world of people who feel they deserve better than to have a face full of spaghetti. Which makes the spaghetti-in-the-face result all the more uproarious.
Despising the spaghetti began with an arbitrary — even whimsical — choice. Another hallmark of aristocrats is the lavish accounting of despised things. The litany proudly defines them, and anything disrespecting those sharp borders is declared unacceptable. First on many lists: surprise and disruption.
So one must be super nonconformist to go, "Mmm, spaghetti! Delicious!"
You'd look like a fucking lunatic.
There's social stigma there. You'll be far more in step with society if you sputter and curse and fume and rage continually as the world vexes you, like the bully in a silent film comedy.
Everybody imagines the world compels their response. It does not. We respond according to our own framing.
Hypothetical Person: How could I not erupt into fury with a face full of spaghetti?
Narrator: The world throws spaghetti in everyone's face every day.
Hypothetical Person: Yes! And I fucking hate it!
Narrator: Well, then you hate the world.
Hypothetical Person: For sure. But the world compels my hatred!
Narrator: No, it doesn't. Your high-level policy decision to hate spaghetti in your face compels your hatred.
Hypothetical Person: Who could possibly enjoy having spaghetti thrown in their face?
Narrator: Well, you see, that's the conformity problem right there.
Hypothetical Person: The what?
And we are amazingly, hilariously, mind‑bendingly free in that assignment
....at least if we're not striving to conform.
The "Verses on the Faith Mind by The 3rd Zen Patriarch" (aka Hsin Hsin Ming) is an astounding bit of medieval Chinese wisdom, but it was written in a very different era for a very different culture, making it more inaccessible than is necessary. Here, I'm trying to take the gist and modernize it.
Have a taste of the original:
The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.
If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind.
When the deep meaning of things is not understood the mind’s essential peace is disturbed to no avail.
The "spaghetti-in-your-face" trials and tribulations are sufficient to leave a majority of the population in sour aggrievement. But what about worse stuff? Here's my take.
Wednesday, September 9, 2026
Swagger
Swagger is the scarlet letter of mediocrity.
'Mediocrity' includes competence.
The culture has lost firm hold of the term, because mediocrity is the goal and baseline (which, as I explained here, doesn't work because it creates a downward spiral). So I need to clarify that I'm not saying swaggering people are screw-ups.
Swaggering mediocrities get things done. In fact, that's why they swagger! They know they can get things done, which is hard, and makes them people who do hard things. As I explained at that last link, competence requires great effort, which is why so many non-remarkable people feel like kings and queens. And I won't even condemn them for it.
However, I've known some remarkable people, none of whom of acted like kings and queens. They lacked spare time for maintaining a facade, or even a self-image, because all effort went voraciously into doing The Thing. This leaves no assets leftover for seeming like a Thing-Doer. Striking the pose is a whole other gig.
Remarkable people rarely swagger. John Thorne, Bill Monk, Major Holley, Arnie Lawrence, David Lerner, Arnie Lawrence, Stewart Sharpless, Les Blank, or The Sainted Arepa Lady...none of them ever swaggered a bit. They were just people, though, in every case, world class.
'Mediocrity' includes competence.
The culture has lost firm hold of the term, because mediocrity is the goal and baseline (which, as I explained here, doesn't work because it creates a downward spiral). So I need to clarify that I'm not saying swaggering people are screw-ups.
Swaggering mediocrities get things done. In fact, that's why they swagger! They know they can get things done, which is hard, and makes them people who do hard things. As I explained at that last link, competence requires great effort, which is why so many non-remarkable people feel like kings and queens. And I won't even condemn them for it.
However, I've known some remarkable people, none of whom of acted like kings and queens. They lacked spare time for maintaining a facade, or even a self-image, because all effort went voraciously into doing The Thing. This leaves no assets leftover for seeming like a Thing-Doer. Striking the pose is a whole other gig.
Remarkable people rarely swagger. John Thorne, Bill Monk, Major Holley, Arnie Lawrence, David Lerner, Arnie Lawrence, Stewart Sharpless, Les Blank, or The Sainted Arepa Lady...none of them ever swaggered a bit. They were just people, though, in every case, world class.
Tuesday, September 8, 2026
The Oblivious are Oblivious to Obliviousness
We don't know no one's listening to us because we're not listening.
We don't realize nobody's paying attention because we're not paying attention.
We underestimate how narcissistic everyone is because we’re too narcissistic to notice.
We don't realize nobody's paying attention because we're not paying attention.
We underestimate how narcissistic everyone is because we’re too narcissistic to notice.
Monday, September 7, 2026
Told You
MAGAs are discovering Trump's a fraud after all, just like they discovered that COVID was real after all, just like they discovered that the cabal of pedophiles (and cover-uppers thereof) was largely on the other side, just as conservatives discovered that the (original) Iraq/Afghanistan war was an awful idea, and the Vietnam war, and all the forever wars started by hawks from their side, and just as they wagged their heads in disbelief at this new forever war that's wrecked our economy, our readiness, our standing, and made Iran great again.
Yet none of the people who doubted my patriotism — or my sanity — at any of those junctures (while I objected heatedly from the Center) has apologized, or acted apologetic, or even just adopted some iota of humility. They'll keep blustering forever. Having been wrong a bunch doesn't mean you're not always right!
In the 1980s it got super unpopular to ever utter the words "I told you so." The culture deprecated that move. And now, in 2026, the entire concept of "having been right" is nonexistent. Vanished. A non-thing.
The opposition is wrong definitionally. You may have been wrong (though you're always right) a few times, but "they" were never right! It's the death of symmetry. Newton's Third Law of Motion has been repealed.
Liberals do this, too, of course.
Friday, August 28, 2026
Only Boring People Get Bored
Charles Bukowski noted that "Only boring people get bored.” It entered popular consciousness when Betty Draper stole the line on Mad Men.
It's worth considering the mechanism behind this. I think it reflects a flipped perspective; a misapprehension of cause and effect. A framing error.
It's not that the world bores bored people. It's that they suppress the world’s interestingness. Bored people are like Kryptonite for interestingness. They don't innocently miss it, they proactively thwart it.
Bored people drain the interestingness out of everything.
Interesting people experience this all the time. They feel compelled to overcompensate in order to merely register. Escaping the inexorable singularity of a bored person is likely how it feels to be sucked dry by a vampire.
It's worth considering the mechanism behind this. I think it reflects a flipped perspective; a misapprehension of cause and effect. A framing error.
It's not that the world bores bored people. It's that they suppress the world’s interestingness. Bored people are like Kryptonite for interestingness. They don't innocently miss it, they proactively thwart it.
Bored people drain the interestingness out of everything.
Interesting people experience this all the time. They feel compelled to overcompensate in order to merely register. Escaping the inexorable singularity of a bored person is likely how it feels to be sucked dry by a vampire.
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