Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 24, 2026

The Curdled Master

A musician recently died, and there is testimonial after testimonial about how he was the kindest, most wonderful person.

I've read a number of books about spies. Their trade secret is homework. Every action that seems to go right with a mere shrug is made possible by unimaginable hours of unseen preparation, backup preparation, and backup-backup preparation. A spy's edge over the rest of us is that they're willing to do that work, and we never expect it because we imagine we live in a world where people aren't capable of it.

This musician went so far out of his way to wrong me on multiple occasions that it defied all expectation. He "put in the work" whenever our paths crossed.

Was I rude to him? Did I steal work from him? Had I wronged a friend of his? Nope. My sin was that I was overly familiar and friendly with him once on a gig a very long time ago. I'd spoken to him with an easy camaraderie that he didn't believe I'd earned. That's it. Yep, that small. I noted his reaction immediately, an experience I haven't had before or since. There was a contemptuously curdled sneer that didn't appear on his face. It filled the room. His capacity for sour contempt was.....enormous. It was scored like a movie scene. It came with cellos.

I wasn't actually important to him, strangely enough. At all. A mere blip on his screen, so his efforts against me weren't constantly ongoing. But whenever I appeared on his radar, he'd get busy. I think he was a guy constantly on the lookout for radar blips.

I don't know how many blips he tracked, but I've observed, at a distance, several others. And I know for a fact that even one of his peers/friends saw him clearly. That musician (let's call him "Seth", not his real name) is a solemn part of the chorus of Facebook eulogizers. While Seth was never tortured by the guy (because he holds a prominent position in the business, so this guy was obliged to kiss up to him, not kick down), I once quietly complained about him to Seth, who rolled his eyes in displeasure at the sound of the name. So at least one knew....but kept it quiet.

I'm not uttering his name, you'll notice, and I'm no shrinking violet. Some people exercise an uncanny level of control. A guy who can curdle the whole room is someone you innately know not to mess with. Even after he's gone.

He taught me that there are predators moving among us, managing not to be recognized or explicitly acknowledged despite their egregious behavior. It's a horrifying thought, but at least today there is one less of them.


Sidebar

The above is, I think/hope, interesting even for non-musicians. And it's intended as a stand-alone. But I can't resist adding, as a sidebar mostly for any musicians reading along, this extra bit of color:

Truth is, there are plenty of awful, nasty-assed musicians near the top of the food chain in NYC. More garden-variety assholes, without the supernatural predatory component. I always tried to steer clear — easy enough, since Broadway pits and Nestle's Quick jingles were never my targets, even though that's where the money is.

As I sold my web site, which had grown beyond all intention, to a silicon valley corporation, I ran across all sorts of Silicon Valley characters. Guys with $100 million in the bank, who do enormous deals and drive super cars. Guys people have heard of. Guys so powerful that they can afford to be super-friendly and cool 100% of the time, because if they don't like something about you, they can simply eat you....and, as they do, they'd never stop grinning. Everything goes their way! Life's so great! :)

See the tale of Vrtra within the larger story of my sale of Chowhound.com

They each had reason to bully me or lie to me, because, for a cosmic five seconds I'd appeared on their radar because community web sites were the rage among the Big Boys and I had the most prominent food one. From one perspective, I briefly joined their league. But from a more realistic perspective, I'd become chum in their water, and thus imperiled. Just because they value you, or even "like" you, doesn't mean they want to do well by you. I, after all, love chickens and potatoes.

I got through it and receded back into obscurity. And while I never really got back into the music scene, I did briefly brush by a couple of the old music biz assholes, smelling their distinctive musk and remembering how they act — their malevolent gangster ways, hypercompetitiveness, and lavish self-importance — and it just made me laugh and laugh. Which was not what I expected.

Remember "Lil Archies"? The comic books where Archie, Jughead, Veronica, etc., are all 1/4 size because they're little kids? The music gangsters looked like "Lil Gangsters", and they just seemed absolutely ADORABLE. I wanted to pet them like bunny rabbits.

Thursday, June 4, 2026

Zeno's Jazzy Xerox

When Scott Hamilton (a minor but well-respected player who's been in and out of the limelight for decades) entered to play the melody here (I've queued it up to the right point, but fyi it's 2'40"), I felt conflicting emotions.

First: NICE! Like, yeah, that's the feeling! That's the craft! No bullshit, just proper thickly-spread jazz tenor saxophone butter. Nice!

But then, as he kept going, it grew uncanny. I knew everything he was going to do. It was jazz butter, yes, but the pre-portioned Hotel Bar butter we've all experienced umpteen times with not one iota of surprisingness or spontaneity. Like taking the standard postcard shot of Mt. Rushmore, shamelessly gratifying expectations. Not really personal.

I mean, it sounds incredibly personal, though, because the first guy who first played like this was full of personality. But Hamilton's imitating that guy (Prez, or maybe more Ben Webster). Imitating uniqueness and simulating spontaneity.

Yet it feels great to me. Like a breath of fresh air.

Finally, I've figured out my ambivalence.

Hamilton is playing like a xerox copy. And in a world with few if any originals left, and also few Xerox copies, and where the xeroxes-of-xeroxes are leading lights and the xeroxes-of-xeroxes-of-xeroxes are acclaimed, and there is no shortage of xeroxes-of-xeroxes-of-xeroxes-of-xeroxes, a first generation Xerox copy feels like the *real thing*. Sweet authenticity!


Note that the problem is not just imitation, per se. It's framing.

See also my Open Letter to Jazz Musicians

Saturday, May 23, 2026

Ken Peplowski

Ken Peplowski, widely considered the best jazz clarinetist of his generation, passed away this year, far too young.

I didn't know him as a clarinetist. He was originally a great tenor saxophonist, and gravitated to clarinet later because that's where the gigs were. Musicians don't really make career decisions. They don't have the control or power to choose a course. Their careers are decided for them, however they might deny it.

I knew Ken from Mr. Hick's Place, the tough organ blues joint in Roosevelt, Long Island where Eddie Murphy, who grew up around the corner, had done his first standup (there was an autographed glossy in the manager's office, signed "To Mr. Hick's Place, where I lost my comedy virginity, love, Eddie"), and where I had that unfortunate incident with drum legend Roy Haynes.

Ken was a wonderful jazz and blues sax player, but he started getting more work playing swing, and then more work on clarinet. Soon he locked in there, and hardly anyone knew how much more he could do. When Ken and I occasionally crossed paths in subsequent years and I told him about the bebop, free jazz, klezmer, salsa, and other wide-ranging styles I was playing, he'd seem a little wistful. He could have excelled in any of those scenes. He had similarly free-wheeling DNA, but success can lock you firmly into a narrow space. Me, I had the great good fortune to be starving to death, and playing anything I wanted.

Another player our age back in the day at Mr. Hick's Place was modern jazz saxophonist Ellery Eskelin, also wailing the blues at the time. We never shared a stage; Ellery and Ken played weekly like me, but we each had our own night. Ellery was also versatile, and might have wound up a swing guy like Ken, or a miscellany guy like me, but we all took such extremely different tacks that today it's almost impossible to believe we all converged so early on doing that.

Come to think of it, it's probably weirder still that I became a food critic and Internet entrepreneur. We didn't diverge, we careened.

Fast forward a decade from the Mr. Hicks years, and I'm playing with the Lionel Hampton big band. One night the great Benny Golson is substituting for Hamp. Golson is a sophisticate, a glass of fine cognac, very harmonically advanced but he played with a velvety ease that made it easy to forget how modern he actually was. The band, which had been Clockwork Oranged by Hamp and his manager to play with an intensity that could best be described as desperate/frantic, goaded Golson into uncharacteristic bluesiness that turned rambunctious and, finally, screamingly rambunctious. I almost couldn't believe my eyes and ears. Imagine Tony Bennett yelping like Sid Vicious. Of course, Benny sounded great.

While I was waiting on the bus to be driven back to town, Benny boarded and settled into the seat across from mine. “Will a recording of this evening’s performance be issued in Japan as 'Benny Golson, Hootin’ and Hollerin’?” I asked with a grin.

Benny cackled smoothly, his cool very much regained. After staring dreamily into the distance for a moment, he focused his eyes and turned his head back toward mine.
"You know, we all got our start doing that. Playing that music. Walking the bar. Any musician from my time who claims he didn't is a liar."
"Same," I replied, amiably.

Monday, January 26, 2026

Nothing Happens to “Me”

This will be very entertaining for any jazz musician karma yogis out there. Everyone else can skip it.



Nothing Happens to “Me”

Obviously I'm making no effort to fit the meter. This is more of a Vedic commentary on the lyric.

I make a date for golf,
But who can predict the weather?
I try to throw a party,
8 billion earthlings, all complaining; really, what’s one more?
Who is to say a train is "missed" just because I’m not on it?
Nothing happens to “me”.

I never miss a thing, so I direct my focus with care.
My partner always "Trumps", but we don't talk politics.
If I looked before I jumped that would just make me witness to the fall!
Nothing happens to “me”.

At first, my heart thought you could break this jinx for me
Which means you did! Thanks!
But now I just can't fool this heart that thinks for me
and I'm enormously proud to have managed that cognitive hand-off after years of meditation.
I've mortgaged all my castles in the air,
Which were nothing but absurd drama in the first place.

I've telegraphed and phoned, and sent an air mail special too
Your answer was goodbye, and I wish you a great trip!
I fall in love every three seconds, and was happy to include you.
Nothing happens to “me”.

Tuesday, December 30, 2025

Reciprocity

Way back in 1992, I hooked up saxophonist Ralph Lalama for a week long gig in Spain, where we both performed at the Seville Expo with a Catalan big band. We got along well, and a couple of weeks after we returned to New York, I bumped into him at a jam session he was running in the East Village. "Hey, Ralph!" I chirped. He glanced at me cooly, nodding imperceptibly before turning away.

One of Ralph's buddies explained things to me. "Ralph, you see, fancies himself an elder statesman in the jazz scene, so he figures that who he greets and how he greets them confers a certain anointment and validation. He wasn't sure you'd earned a full level of public respect from him."

"But," I replied, "I wasn't looking to be anointed. I was just saying hi." Ralph's friend shrugged helplessly. This is how it parses to Ralph. It had nothing to do with what I was looking for. I was hardly in this movie. This is the Ralph movie.

A week later, I bumped into Ralph in a Chinese restaurant. "Hey, Jim!" he chirped. I glanced at him cooly, nodding imperceptibly before turning away. I didn't run into him again for thirty years, whereupon he was still furious about the slight. He wouldn't look at me or talk to me, the ogre who'd dissed him. I never expected him to make the connection of his behavior in his sphere of influence to my behavior in mine, but I certainly never expected any of this to rock his world.

After a long period of unilateralism, I've started leaning into this behavior. I remain non-reactive, and always try to help where I can. I don't act spitefully or hold vendettas, and don't sneer or raise my voice. But I’ve begun to follow the playbook I'm handed. As with Ralph, I mirror. Not with venom or malice. Certainly no extra "oomph" to prove the point. I let people set the rules of engagement, and I amiably follow along. I reciprocate.


Since COVID quarantine, people feel less obligated to reply to one other. They don't answer messages if they're busy, or distracted, or didn't fully understand or approve of what was said. They'll let it go if they don't detect an immediate deliverable. And sometimes they don't reply just because.

I was eager to try this out for myself. It seemed like it might be liberating! So I did an experiment with a couple of longtime friends who'd grown less and less engaging, and declined to reply to each of them just once.

I never heard from either of them ever again.


I stoically followed the Golden Rule for my long unilateral period. But I eventually realized that it doesn't work if there's only one person doing it. As I wrote in The “Golden Rule” is Loftily Unattainable (I'd suggest reading the whole thing; it's short):
When the Bible suggested doing to others as you would have them do to you, it turns out this wasn't a helpful reminder. I always figured it was like "Sit up straight" or "Eat more vegetables"—a sappy homily people sometimes need reinforced, despite its blatant obviousness.

No. I see now that it was flabbergasting existential judo—a Copernican flip of perspective. And it was received as a lofty principle which, like other forms of godliness, could only be aspired to, and never put into actual practice.

Saturday, November 15, 2025

Shostakovich, Eddie Barefield, and The Evolution of Western Art

The following posting from August 2018 was was my most literarily ambitious—and least popular—posting. It's a challenging read, much as Shostakovich is a challenging listen. But it offers a rare big picture view, from a musician's perspective, of the evolution and degeneration of artforms.

My discussion of a composer who refused to move in straight lines (or flatter expectations, or adhere to templated notions of coherence) didn't land for readers because it failed to move in straight lines, or flatter expectations, or adhere to templated notions of coherence.

I was channeling Shostakovich while analyzing him. And while it (and he) might seem wildly chaotic—unbridled and just too damned much—I (like him) counted on audiences noticing the control and craft. A rock-steady intentionality governs the apparently rocky ride, and lands the observer in a predetermined condition.

A tumultuous puppet show oughtn't make us doubt the puppeteer's discipline. Watch the strings: If they're wielded expertly, the tumult is content, not failure.

But in this case, control, craft, and intentionality were not parsed because, being no Shostakovich, I don't merit a careful, generous read. A composer of Shostakovich's name recognition compels infinite generosity. His work might truly be the disorganized muddle it seemed in 1936, but no one would find fault with the great composer, while a lesser name, having built an equally wild ride with skill and control, seems undisciplined.



Riled up by Christopher Lydon’s terrific Open Source podcast on Shostakovich, I ventured to Tanglewood last weekend to hear his Fourth Symphony. It’s always a powerful, emotional experience; a triumph born of failure. As so often happens in the arts, the composer tried to imitate (in this case, Gustav Mahler) and failed magnificently.

Mahler wove popular songs and motifs, gestures and dogma, commentary and meta commentary, seamlessly into his majestic symphonies. You always know when an orchestra is outfitting itself for Mahler. Every half-decent brass and percussion player in town gets called in to fortify those sections. In this, his most Mahlerian effort, Shostakovich beefs up the band aplenty. A furniture store of basses, along with a complete second set of timpani and a redundancy of tubists (scary gleams in their eyes, awaiting the bloody meal) are just a few of the upgrades.

But I'm sorry, Dimitry. You know I love you, but you've produced no bold smash of schweinefleischy indomitability, because you're just not that guy. Rather, the Fourth Symphony plays out like a nerdy, nervous, soulfully acerbic patchwork of musical tchotchkes. Pravda was foolish to call it "muddle not music", but, political pressures aside*, you can't blame them for failing to appreciate such a sharp turn. Shostakovich's brilliant cornucopia helped usher in a more ADD approach to 20th century art, eventually culminating in postmodernism (as well as at least one soulfully acerbic blogger). In retrospect, it was a glorious muddle of profound musicality.

A style was born, even if partially the product of serendipity. Charles Mingus tried to write like Duke Ellington, but he lacked Duke's jaunty elegance and formal structure, so the result was a rumbling slurry of primal soul. Many of us prefer that slurry.

Mahler has inevitability. His music may sound dissonant and clashy to the uninitiated ear, with more dense cross-talk than a Robert Altman film. But it dependably presents as a unified whole, all elements seemingly preordained. As disparate as the strands might seem, one cannot imagine revision. By contrast, Shostakovich's work feels like more of a ride, a personal journey through 1000 ingenious inflection points. Inhabiting the composer's point of view (Mahler had no POV; he was channeling God or whatever, and you will obediently sit and you will listen), any effort to anticipate where he's going is swiftly toppled by tsunamis of feverishly fertile invention. One’s expectations are methodically and craftily defied.

It amounts to open warfare against expectation. Whenever a passage turns prettily tuneful, some unimagined dissonance - spitting trumpets, kooky double reeds in buzzing half-steps, or WTF jungle juju percussion - descends like a Terry Gilliam animation to wreak havoc and avert complacency. It all hangs together beautifully, but it's pastiche; a dense warren of delightful interludes rather than a structure of momentous revelation.

While Mahler preaches at you, Shostakovich endlessly fucks with you. Temperamentally unwilling to erase his own tracks, he obviously wants you to know you're been fucked with. Never is the listener allowed to feel comfortable; ears are deliberately denied what they want to hear. Instead, you get something fresher, more nuanced, personal, and rife with bittersweet irony. Like a great used bookstore, there's scant hope of finding what you were looking for, but you will assuredly take away greatness.

What, exactly, does the ear want to hear? This is a thoughtful question with a thuddingly banal answer: the clichés of the previous generation, that's all. Bach piously adhered to rational principle - principles he himself had largely initiated. Before art can go “off the rails”, rails must be established, and there was no greater rail-builder than Bach. But the obedience was short-lived. Mozart applied his genius to gleefully, wittily, brilliantly flout those rails, barely skirting wreckage. His music, as heard at the time, was a delight (or a misery, depending on your disposition) of elusiveness, never quite yielding the expected. "This is the part of the meal where you're traditionally offered an ornate chocolate petit four, but here, instead, is a thimble of rich hot cocoa dosed with a provocative touch of black pepper." Mind blown! (By the time Shostakovich appeared, a few centuries later, the metaphor might be scorching cocoa beans shoved up your nostrils while your temples are tenderly massaged, the burn extinguished in the nick of time via a dainty spritz of chilled champagne infused with a note of nightingale sweat.)

Every great creative artist both rebels against the previous generation and lays down updated rails to be defied by the following one. Art advances via a chain of generational defiance. In all eras and in all arts, a few are compelled to shatter complacency - denying the audience the anticipated tropes, and offering, instead, something enticingly skewed.

Shostakovich's rebellion was both deliberate and accidental. Failing to fully embody Mahler, he was diverted by Gustav's gravitational field into a path of his own, following an instinct to mischievously sideskirt convention. Every snatch of tunefulness explodes like a trick cigar; every lovely bit is spiked with bitter bite; every soothing flow chafed by an intractable grind. Blessed with exquisite taste, he was sensitive in doling out surprise, startling open-minded listeners into astonishment rather than pummeling them into confusion.

It's shocking, as a jazz musician, to recognize how far classical composers of this period had progressed. At that time, jazz was flattering its audience with unashamed facile conventionality. Jazz had started as a movement of inventive rebelliousness - marches, waltzes and sappy popular drek were cheekily adorned, defiled, swung up, profaned and debauched. It was beautiful. Mozartian irreverence...and funky! But then it grew popular for a while, and commerce does not encourage the deliberate defiance of expectation ("The film I'm envisioning will be sort of a cross between Forrest Gump and Shrek...")

While jazz had grown docile in its eagerness to gratify audience expectations, classical composers were building sophisticated terrains of dissonance that wouldn't influence jazz until decades later. It was only its death knell as a popular form that recharged jazz' original spirit of rude rebelliousness and invention.

By the mid 1960s, jazz had nearly caught up, but, by then, classical music had painted itself into a corner. Movements like serialism and microtonalism had seemed destined to open up vast landscapes of possibility, but, paradoxically, vistas only contracted and desiccated.

The vitality of an art form derives from the friction between rail hugging and rebellious invention. Creativity is kindled by confrontation with status quo. Thousands of microdecisions emerge from this confrontation, aggregating to imprint a creator's vision, personality, taste; perhaps even soul. Without any rails whatsoever (or with a new, theoretical set of rails that haven't been - and likely never will be - internalized by one's audience) you're left with sound rather than music. We hear many composers mucking around amid infinite space, rather than purposefully blowing up a railroad. Which strikes you as the more engrossing proposition?

Both jazz and classical music have settled into a steady state. Rails fully obliterated, it's now all about performance rather than creation. There's money to be made in reviving old repertory, and armies of conservatory graduates deliver technically accomplished renditions of each era's status quo without a trace of rebelliousness. The performance even of dissonant music once considered subversive now carries the edgy gleam of a Perry Como tribute.

The greatest creative docility is now found at the intersection of composition and performance, in improvised music. Since leaving Chowhound I've roamed unsung nightclubs like Rip Van Jazz Cat, searching for the indomitable creative spirit of thoughtful defiance. But I've heard nothing but flat conventionality, without a scintilla of invention. No bombs thrown, no expectations ingeniously baited-and-switched. To the contrary, expectations are dutifully, even eagerly, coddled. That's become the whole game - the unabashed goal of an entire generation eager to recapitulate the same-old, unskewed by a nanojoule of spontaneity, let alone sabotage. Status quo has, alas, finally become the status quo. And so the universe cools.

Having spent my 20s hanging out almost exclusively with elderly semi-forgotten black jazz veterans, I shudder on their behalf. For example, in 1990 I gigged in a bored Williamsburg watering hole with a musty band of oldsters including Eddie Barefield, a direct link to the earliest days of jazz (he'd played with freaking Bennie Moten!).

Though Eddie had been a fixture in every subsequent era (he'd mentored Charlie Parker, dead 35 years by this time), few remembered him (even his home town of Scandia, Iowa had long-ago faded and died; today it doesn't even Google), hence his presence at this $50 gig. He sat, mildly choleric, in his chair, occasionally hocking loogies to the bandstand's sawdusty floor. His technique was no longer supple, but by the second or third chorus, his spirit would sometimes rejuvenate back to 1936 - the Shostakovich Fourth Symphony's birth year - and, amid the moldy swing tropes, he might slip in some astonishingly oblique ear-defying run that left me and the other musicians startled and breathless. “WHAT IN JESUS HELL WAS *THAT*??” I'd silently scream to myself, whipping my head around toward Eddie, impassive as a wooden Indian, while bored patrons continued to blithely sip their beers. Eddie had gotten from Point A to Point B in a manner never before heard.

Such miracles were not modern anachronisms. They stretched 1936 conventions, never snapping them. Eddie was recalling fallow branchings that had spawned no twigs or flowers; forgotten Shostakovichian tchotchkes of rebellious glee; the sort of material deviously inserted by lesser-known players of the time who hadn't fully shaken their subversive instincts.


* - As for the pressures inflicted on Shostakovich by Stalin's regime, that's interesting history but it's a serious mistake to draw conclusions about an artist's work from events in his personal life. My travails with the DMV coincide with my writing of this article, but I'd much prefer that you consider the material at hand full-on rather than recast this as my oblique rejoinder to a repressive bureaucracy. Great art seldom refers to our planetary day jobs - our day-to-day yadda yadda - despite efforts by the small-minded to reduce a heavenly sweep to something more consciously manageable; to force-translate poetry into prose.


An index of some of my previous music writings

All previous music writings (reverse chronological)

A recently discovered video of me performing on trombone on a particularly good night in 1992.

Thursday, August 7, 2025

Eddie Palmieri

The great Eddie Palmieri, one of my musical heroes and a formative superstar of Latin Jazz/Salsa/Whatever You Want to Call it, died yesterday.

I'll offer two stories:

Fumigation

I'm at the bar of Blue Note nightclub in Manhattan, circa 1987. I'm an insider there because I play almost nightly at the late after show with trumpeter Ted Curson. Michel Camillo, the latest big-publicity jazz star, is in residence, and he's busily and smilingly outgassing the smoothest and show-off-iest latin-ish jazz imaginable. A friend of mine refers to this style of playing as "Show You My White Teeth Music". The tourists are eating it up, but we musicians at the bar, seeking any possible relief, begin drinking with determination.

The set ends, thunderous ovation, and we eagerly await the second half of the show, featuring Eddie Palmieri's Orchestra. It's a bit like Sandra Bernhardt following Jennifer Lopez. Eddie was not dentally impressive, and his music did not drip with showy glissandi. No smug rich guy suntanned sambas. Eddie was the apotheosis of soulful grit. Eddie was antimatter to Camillo.

The mangy musicians from Eddie's group finally took the stage, tuned, and sat placidly waiting for the drugs to wax or wane, per individual preference. Then Eddie came out, and, as he often did, launched into an extended solo piano intro. Eddie can get quite "out", making Thelonious Monk seem songful by comparison. He always had the soul of an avante gardist, though, unlike just about every avante gardist I know (and I knew many), he could also swing his ass off. But on this night, he played 20 minutes of impenetrable, maddening solo stuff, giving the tourists nothing to hang their ears on. Nada. On and on it went, featuring repeated piddly hammerings on the highest piano key, making the dressing room cat mew loudly in consternation. A number of audience members walked out, though no one in the band could give less of a crap. They just sat there mopily with misaligned pupils, waiting.

Finally—FINALLY—Eddie stands up (adding maybe four inches to his seated height) and screams "ONE TWO THREE FOUR!!!!" fast, and the band just roars into a montuno from a dead standing start that's so instantly swinging and wailing and exasperated (by Camillo) that the entire room forgets to breathe for a solid minute. Whatever it is that metal heads get from having their ears blown out by garish rednecks and their overclocked guitar amps, this was the platonic form of that. This was the mythical Wall of Sound.

The interminable solo had been fumigation. And then the heavy roller machine had gone into overdrive, laying down fresh, inexorable pavement. I actually teared up a little from the emotional release. If only orgasms offered such catharsis!

Dominican Humiliation

My one gig with Eddie was a catastrophe (more for him than for me). We were playing in a brand new Dominican nightclub in Washington Heights, and while you might imagine The Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico as geographic and cultural twins, their musics are like oil and water.

Dominicans dance to merengue, an easy 1-2, 1-2, 1-2 like polka. It's fast and furious and sexy and exciting, but not the least bit sophisticated. Puerto Rican salsa (which derives from Cuba, and, before that, Africa) can be furious, sexy and exciting at times, but it abounds with sophistication and subtlety.

Those not born into it (or made it their lifelong study, as I did) wouldn't be able to even clap their hands to it. Imagine that! Popular music—dance music!—you can't clap your hands to! It's not 1-2, 1-2, 1-2. Instead, it's two short claps and three long. Or three long and two short. And even knowing which is which is a move for insiders only. The difference with Dominican merengue was yet another matter/anti-matter contrast.

So I'm gigging with the greatest salsa band in the world, hideously misplaced in a Dominican nightclub (hey, a gig's a gig, you know? It's not like Eddie's manager would ever say "no"!) and no one is dancing, or applauding, because this crazy Puerto Rican stuff is happening which none of the Dominicans can parse. It's like trying to play a Windows game on a Mac. One of the greatest moments of my life is an abject humiliation for all concerned.

There had, however, been a high point the week before. The rehearsal for this gig marked the first appearance of the young conga player Giovanni Hidalgo, who'd arrived with a reputation as a genius. As he and I both warmed up across the room from each other, separated by over a dozen other honking horn players, his complicated hand slaps suddenly and improbably began to encompass my warm-up. Not that he was tuning in to me, specifically, getting all up in my stuff. it's just that he was a Big Ears Guy, never not listening to—and never not encompassing—Everything. I was the same (most players wouldn't have noticed they were being encompassed). When I engaged back, it was like Fred Astaire cocking an elbow at Ginger Rogers. He complied instantaneously and sumptuously. Beautifully. The back/forth continued for a couple minutes until Eddie hollered to start the rehearsal. Giovanni went on to become a major star, and we'll leave it at that because his story became too sad to contemplate. Best damn warm-up I ever had, though.

Back to the Dominican club, it's intermission and I'm standing in a stairwell, playing long tones to keep myself in optimal condition, when Eddie walks by and offers me a hit off his joint. I refuse with a smile, saying I need to keep my head straight on my first gig. Eddie shrugs amiably and walks away. God, I'm an idiot.

Rest in Peace, Eddie.


Are you noticing a pattern?

Sunday, July 27, 2025

Perverse Corroboration

Dave Liebman

As a 21 year old jazz trombonist, I enjoyed the support of a few jazz heavy-hitters. I was clearly no boy genius—nothing like that—but they assured me I was on the right track and expected good things, which is the most warmly effective sort of appraisal. Rather than inflate my ego, it made me redouble efforts to do my very best.

This was the age where one stops being a student and starts calling oneself a professional, but I attended one last polishing program for talented kids my age. Several went on to stardom. And a number of them really liked my playing.

I knew what I was doing, at least. I was coherent, assured, and could get from A to B in interesting ways. I'd done the work of acquiring fluency and control. Though, as with my writing, it wasn't quite like anything else. But I'd always figured that was the goal. A personal, original approach was exactly what my mentors had encouraged.

Saxophone star David Liebman started the first day's class by asking me to improvise. I played with swing, feeling, and lyricism. I told a story. And, when I was done, Liebman didn't look at me. He faced the class, like a surgeon standing beside an excised tumor, and asked, with unconcealed disgust, "Does anyone know what the fuck that was?!?" Even the students who liked my playing shrugged. Geez, Dave, no. We have no idea!

I was confident enough, thank heaven, not to be destroyed (I knew—though Liebman did not—that one of his own idols strongly supported my playing). But, man, was I angry. And I remain angry to this day, though it's not something I revisit often. How could a bona fide jazz veteran be so horrible to a kid?

Les Blank

Thirty years later, I had a chance to interview a guy in Connecticut who was renowned for his cookies. He wasn't a professional, just some guy, and said he'd show me his technique and I could film it with my iphone camera.

So I showed up, and he revealed that he's just using the plain old recipe from the Quaker Oats box, so it's really nothing special, yet he conceded that no one else ever comes close to matching his results. He showed me how carelessly he cooked, and how pedestrian his ingredients were. And when I tasted a cookie, I nearly lost consciousness.

I cobbled it all together into a short film that's a meditation on quality. How it gets in, how it's recognized, and whether there's any objectivity. All the interesting questions! It's very poorly shot, recorded, and edited. It's tediously repetitive, lacks any discernible structure, and never quite states its theme. And yet, it has magic to it.

One of my best friends at the time was the great film director Les Blank. I sent him a copy, and it made him so angry—just spitting mad—that he refused to discuss it.

I instantly realized that if it were legitimately bad, there'd be no anger. Professional filmmakers don't lose their tempers over crappy films. They just wince and move on. Les' rage showed that I'd accomplished something.

Why the rage? Who knows. Some byproduct of Les' tangled inner being (perhaps having spent his life refining skills to create magic, seeing even a bit of magic emanating from guileless incompetence felt infuriating). I didn't need to parse it. It was sufficient to recognize it for what it was: corroboration.

Linkage

But while by that point I'd acquired the insight to parse Les' reaction appropriately, I still carried anger over my Liebman encounter from years earlier, before I knew how to frame it correctly.

In fact it was only today that I put the two together. If my playing merely sucked, Liebman would have been more teacherly. He'd have dressed the wound, given me basics to work on, and sent me on my way with an exasperated eye roll. A jazz superstar only howls "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" at an eager skinny 21 year old trombonist in summer camp shorts and tank top if that kid actually has something.

What's the thing? I can't venture a guess. So what set him off? Same. But, at this late date, I see I should have accepted it as corroboration. Not in the sense of twisted, trollish delight at getting under someone's skin and eliciting a reaction, any reaction. Just the level-headed realization that 1. I had something, and 2. It's neither necessary nor possible for everyone to dig every something.


Laboriously Updating Assumptions

But this posting is not about under-appreciation. Nor about celebrity insecurity, nor the chilling subterranean streams of human interaction. Rather, it's about my failure to tie this all together until an hour or so ago.

I try hard to sharpen my thinking and strip away kludge and bullshit. I work to apply lessons forward to future experiences and backward to recollected ones. I generate my share of insights, but must constantly relearn them...endlessly. As I noted while explaining Why My Cooking Isn't Great, it's devilishly hard to distribute insights evenly into all aspects of one's life.

You can't update assumptions and memories in light of freshly-acquired insight en masse. So I remain endlessly mystified by puzzles previously well-solved, and doomed to ceaselessly re-solve it all.

On the other hand, if you're ever bored in old age—no one invites you to dance parties anymore, and your crustily truculent friends can't be pryed out of their easy chairs to come see a movie or whatever, this might be the answer. Spend your time processing mental fodder with ever more lithe framing. Be like an earthworm, improving the soil by passing it through your corpus. I guess that's what old age was always supposed to be for. Perhaps this explains the elder "wisdom" people used to talk about way back when.


For extra credit, watch that movie, and consider how the discussion of quality - what it is and how it gets in - pervades this entire discussion. Creating quality is a sticky wicket, but appreciation is no less tortuous.


Followup: The Waif and the Limo

Friday, July 25, 2025

Chuck Mangione

Chuck Mangione (RIP) was part of a long continuum of good or very good musicians who lost their chops and reinvented themselves as images of musicians...with enormous success.

The gambit works because the public is far more interested in image than in substance (e.g. musicianship). Dropping the "music" part, and focusing on the image part, can actually increase your value...tremendously.

The list includes some names most people—even most musicians—would find surprising. Frank Sinatra and Louis Armstrong were faint shadows of their younger selves by mid-career (and desperately seeking chop recuperation behind-the-scenes), but did far better as icons than they ever had as musicians. Consider the Rolling Stones and so many more, even aside from more widely-recognized image-pushers ala Kenny G, Herb Alpert, Chris Bodi, Liberace, etc.

Chuck was a serious bebop player when young. By the time any of you heard of him, he could barely play two notes in a row...and made a zillion dollars with the hat and the flower and the beard, playing kitsch ear worms.

Something to consider: I know a very good jazz guitar player who won top price in a Guitar Hero competition (that's a game where you pretend to be a guitar player), and it earned him more money than his entire previous career as a real guitarist.



Most singers become singers because they want to be singers, not because they want to sing.

Sunday, December 15, 2024

Cleopatra’s Pink Slip

I haven't exactly been a soaring addition to the Portuguese jazz scene. In fact, I haven't played a note outside my apartment. The best players in the country - themselves only barely okay - assure me that there's no musical interest here, an hour from Lisbon.

And how! The live music (besides fado, the hyperdramatic singing tradition which is its own thing) has been muddier than the local espresso.

But wandering around my town's center this week, I heard a guitarist struggling through a Charlie Parker song, accompanied by a play-along record. And for some reason I clicked into form, like a punchy old boxer hearing a ringing bell.

It took me a moment to locate him in an imposing nineteenth century building, which turned out to be the Musician Society. I snuck into the impressive interior, entered the salon, and effortlessly slipped behind a piano to accompany him. I was, at least, sparing him from the karaoke approach - the last resort of musicians with no one to play with.

I play professional level jazz piano. Not good professional, or top professional, like my trombone playing, but reasonably solid by New York standards, which is needle-busting for small-town Portugal (imagine a Broadway actor swapped into your kid's middle school play). In my milieu I'm merely okay, so that's how I frame myself. But everything's relative.

We played together for a few minutes, and I coaxed him into swinging a little harder, and he managed not to stumble on a few of the easier chord changes (by local standards, this constitutes jazz mastery). The song ended and he looked up at me, thoroughly unsurprised, and asked where I'm from.

I said "New York". This is like an Okinawan showing up in a Dutch karate dojo, but he wasn't visibly affected. He just coughed and told me about the jam session every Thursday which I might sign up for a week ahead if I'm aching to play. Perhaps they’ll let me, because I sound pretty good. Then he very politely and courteously told me that he needed to practice, and sent me on my way while he resumed the karaoke.

I was not terribly disappointed by the sudden end to our brief collaboration, but considering it from his perspective, it was like Cleopatra materializing in the bedroom of a frantic masturbator, and having him tell her, as she peeled off her clothes, “Not now, I’m in the middle of something.”

This happens a lot, in different realms, though polite courtesy isn't the norm. But I'm okay with it. I view the world with blithe amusement and low expectation, immune from the entitlement epidemic. Enjoy a brief montage of typically surreal experiences:

Two food obsessed guys at my gym were weighing local dining options, and I piped up, shyly, to ask if they'd heard of Chowhound. They replied, with suspicion, in the affirmative, so I introduced myself and offered tips. Without a word, they moved to treadmills at the far corner of the gym.

Upon moving to small town Connecticut, immediately after leaving CNET, I introduced myself to a neighbor, explaining that I'd founded a nationally-known web site. He told me how his nephew, Petey, had a web site selling lawnmowers he'd refurbished, and that, if I'd like, he could put me in touch, so Petey could offer me some wisdom.

There are loads more. Back at the dawn of this Slog, I wrote a posting titled "Kafkaesque", recounting other bizarre tales. It's amusing. Check it out.

A major breakthrough finally occurred some years ago when someone posted a plea for help to a general interest forum where I participated under alias. They wanted advice on launching an online community to cover a specific topic, hoping to attract a particularly expert and passionate usership. My previous replies there had seemed smart to me, but rarely rated a thumbs-up. Mostly just contemptuous snark. But for this, I was uniquely qualified. So I dove in, whipping up 500 words of pure distilled hard-won Truth…which drew nary a thumbs up (there was, however, an errant "go fuck yourself").

This time seemed different. It was a unique circumstance where I could be 100% certain the problem wasn't on my end, being pretty much The Guy for this particular query. I've always suspected that I might be far less clever than I sometimes dare to imagine, but this time my confidence was bulletproof despite having drawn the usual result.

I finally allowed myself to acknowledge the gaslighting, and to muse about how I'd been operating under a "curse" of some sort. I've written several postings trying to account for it, finally explaining it as a hairball of edge-case factors, though I've been unsure of what to do about it.

None of this depresses me. I'm pliable; comfortable being reduced to vapor in anyone's esteem. I don't need to be recognized, much less appreciated, let alone respected. As a karma yogi, I'm fully invested in what I do, not who I am. I used to live on the flip side of that, and, believe me, the weather here is much much better (in Sanskrit, it's called satchitananda).

The Curse makes it hard to feel useful - a conundrum for someone with an irrepressible helpful streak. I've resolved it by realizing that no one actually needs help. It's all aristocrats amusing themselves with theatrical exasperation over Rich People Problems, and the last thing anyone wants is for some janitor to turn up the glaring house lights, spoiling the fun. So, really, it's all going smashingly. And here I am in Portugal eagerly scarfing my nth lovely plate of codfish. Plan A! 

Plan B (let's call it the "Jim Leff project") never happened, despite decades of straining to make it happen, and then coming to grips that it would never happen, and then accounting for why it never happened...and why it's perfectly okay that it never happened. All that meta work was a ridiculous Plan C, leading nowhere, so I've completely stopped Jim Leffing and embraced the cod.


See also "Seemers Always Win: Posing as Someone Like You"

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Roy Haynes Meets Mr. Raucous

I despair at the task of making you understand what drummer Roy Haynes, who just died, meant to jazz. You need to really understand jazz and jazz history to fathom the impossible sweep and significance and miracle of who he was and what he accomplished.

This was not just jazz hero #600 dropping dead. Not "he played so well." Not a "long and storied career". Not "beloved the world over." Let me try to explain Roy Haynes via analogy to a realm you probably know better: writing.

Say Roy Haynes anonymously wrote Beowulf. And, as a cohort of Chaucer, composed one of the Canterbury Tales. Say he was an important member of the Continental Congress helping Jefferson revise the Declaration of Independence, and a pioneering author of wicked Victorian political satire who'd given Oscar Wilde his first break. Say he went on to write Emmy-winning screenplays for Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, and sip absinthe with Hemingway (who looked up to him like a hero) in Key West. Then say, at age 90, you found him writing fiendishly intricate postmodern novels as vibrantly modern as any of the young leading lights. Better, even.

Say he did all this not like some crafty operator making strategic pivots - donning a bunch of wigs and making superficial course changes - but that every single step was brilliant and right and slick and AHEAD of the curve. He sounded not just like twelve different guys from twelve different eras, but like the BEST guy from each of twelve different eras.

It seems ridiculous. Nobody ever did that. Nobody ever could do that. It sounds like I'm exaggerating. But Roy Haynes, who'd played easy, lyrical swing with Lester Young and frantic bebop with Charlie Parker and Blues Rock with the Allman Brothers and modern jazz with Chick Corea and fiendishly complex late-stage intellectuality with the smuggest recent youngsters, truly was that guy. Nobody else in jazz ever did anything remotely like this. Nobody in any field of endeavor that I'm aware of ever did anything remotely like this.

Also, there was my minuscule cameo appearance. 


One night Roy walked into my weekly blues gig - my first steady work out of school - in a trashy little gin mill in the ghetto of Roosevelt Long Island where Eddie Murphy, just a couple years prior, had done his first standup (there was an 8x10 glossy in the manager's office made out "To Mr. Hicks' Place, where I lost my comedy virginity, from Eddie") and Roy was, as always, dressed like a million bucks and had his slick sports car parked out front, and I wasn't the least bit surprised to see him there because Roy Haynes was everywhere and into everything and knew everyone (the garrulous bartender at Skylark Lounge where I hung out when not gigging was Roy's best friend because of course he was), and I, a cocky lad compensating for deep shyness and insecurity, especially here in this ghetto bar at the height of a dangerous crack epidemic, overcompensated by rocking the joint with trombone so raucous and funky that our band's guitarist, Bo Diddly Junior (no relation), who played his axe with every part of his body including his crotch, occasionally took me aside to suggest I tone it down a notch, and on this night Roy was joking around in the back room with the club's manager and a small entourage as I ducked in on a break to make sure my horn was out of everybody's way when conversation suddenly stopped and I immediately began to sweat buckets, sensing that I was about to take some focus, and, sure enough, Roy said "Hey man sound good out there" and I froze. Absolutely froze. I couldn't respond, I couldn't acknowledge, I couldn't even let myself imagine that it was me he was addressing. Must be anyone else.

No more Mr. Cocky, just an awkward white suburban kid right out of school feeling mortified that Haynes, a subtle, poetic musician with a sublimely light touch, had walked in to hear me playing the most raucous fatback and collard greens trombone, and, at age 24, I wasn't wise enough to realize that he bloody well knew I was simply playing the gig as it needed to be played - anything but subtle! - and furthermore heard the poetry latently beneath it all, but I was committed to my embarrassment at being caught with my pants down, so to speak, despite the seemingly solid counter-evidence of "Hey man sound good out there", which only confused me further - was he addressing Mr. Raucous? - leaving me unable to respond or look up or breathe or move or live.

I went on to exist in the periphery of a lot of Roy Haynes stuff. That bartender was my buddy, too, though we never hung together with Roy. I was friends with many of the young players Roy hired to play in his band. I caught a bunch of his gigs, marveling at his pliancy and otherworldly, Faust-bargain-level touch and finesse. As he climbed through his 70s, 80s, and 90s, Roy never failed to sound far more modern and youthfully, nimbly energetic than anyone from my generation.

I never exchanged a word with him. I'd botched my chance, but was quietly present in his world, popping up in the little hood joints unknown to fans or jazz writers where Roy let his hair down between concert tours. Part of that furniture. And it never bothered me much, because there are far worse things than being comfortable furniture for Roy Haynes. If you're gonna Zelig, that's how you Zelig.

Insiders knew that Roy Hayne's favorite record of his was "Out of the Afternoon." It was my favorite even before I learned this. I invite you to download it now and listen. It's remarkable. The blind saxophonist Roland Kirk, who is featured, was important to me, though I never got to meet him. At the same time I was blasting the paint off the gin mill in Roosevelt, I was also seeking out Kirk's surviving sidemen, wherever they were, and befriending and playing with them, poetically and subtly. Roy never stopped into any of those gigs, alas (though those farflung clubs were certainly on his radar, because nothing wasn't on Roy's radar for, christ, literally 99 years), so I never got to be Mr. Poetry for Roy Haynes.


So check this out. This guy 1. is EIGHTY SIX YEARS OLD, and 2. started out with Lester Young, who was one generation removed from "When the Saints Go Marching In”:

 

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Win By Not Quitting

The most startling insights are simple observations, but one must sometimes go to extraordinary lengths to deprogram false assumptions before one can really understand. Truth is easy...if, and only if, you can chop away the dense underbrush of ignorant assumptions.

The following is like that. The epiphany is so gut simple that there's almost nothing there. I've carried it with me for years but only recently did it reach full fruition. If it strikes you as banal, consider removing some underbrush while you reconsider!



The key to winning is persistence.

Unfortunately, that observation jibes easily with preconceptions, so most people wouldn't give it much thought. Sure! You fight and fight and bash and bash and then, voila, you triumph!

But no. That's not it. Let's back up 30 years and meet a hero.

The great trombonist Al Grey from the Count Basie Orchestra had invited me to sit in with him. Al was an old-timey hard-swinging player without any fancy airs or intense harmonic innovations or slick advanced technique. Al was all about joy and soul. He was one of the last of the Mohicans.


By the early '90s, that sort of playing had nearly died out, except in a few pockets in rough neighborhoods where, by coincidence, I hung out on my free nights, sitting in with the only people who ever really "got" me: octogenarian black guys. Family and friends had little idea what to do with me. My only places of comfort were black bars where men wore expensive hats and the sidemen from my record collection took refuge to ply their art. And, despite my age and complexion, I enjoyed tribal bona fides as well. I, too, was of the Mohican persuasion.

But Al didn't know any of this, so when he invited me to sit in, he - and everybody else in the club that night - expected to see a 70-year-old swinging elderly black dude dismantle a slick, glib white upstart from Planet Music School.

It was impossible to predict that I, too, was a swinging soulful elderly black dude. Not in a Walter Mitty fantasy life way, but in reality. That's how I genuinely felt and played. That was my truth. And I earned it, risking my life for years getting from street parking into those venues amid a crack epidemic, not to mention the one hour+ drives out to the boonies of Harlem or Newark or Jamaica or Roosevelt or Hempstead. Nobody knew how far I traveled. They all figured I was local, and that suited me fine. I was family. Comfortable and kindred for the only time in my life.

But on this night, I found myself in shiny Manhattan at a shmancy jazz club where no one, including Al, knew my backstory. So when he graciously invited me to take the first solo on the first song, I had a decision to make. My impulse was to swing the lights out, but I knew Al wanted a foil; a Washington General he could foxily dribble the basketball around. He was hoping I'd play some glib bullshit so he could blow me up with a warm folksy grin (the guy had no maliciousness in him whatsoever).

So I did. I played the role, spitting out tricky bebop lines to deliberately enstooge myself. Why? Because playing straight man to the great Al Grey seemed like a worthy pursuit. I was showing respect, and I knew I'd treasure the memory of his slaughtering me with swinging soul more than one where I'd made it all about me by matching his game. I led myself to slaughter, but it was joyous, like the privilege of being insulted by Don Rickles.

At the time, Al was enjoying a late-in-life renaissance, releasing records as a leader, headlining at festivals...the whole shebang. After six decades as that cool dude back in the trombone section, he was a grand old man of jazz. During intermission, another musician asked him his secret. How had he orchestrated this rebirth?

Al chuckled the weighty chuckle of long experience and shrugged at the simplicity of his reply: "Don't quit! I just never quit!"

That's all you have to do. Don't quit. Keep showing up.

I've chewed on it for four decades, and, to really get it, I've had to chisel away a great many things Al wasn't saying.

Most of us project a heroic cast on our "trajectory". An American confessing unlofty aspirations seems like a stoic monk at best, and a loser at worst. But Al was never a loser. He always played his heart out. He was trying hard; just not to be That Guy. In terms of career and stature, he merely showed up. The big arc of it wasn't aspirational.

Let me try a different angle. You might have noticed that the world goes in cycles. Up and down. No matter how hard you try and no matter how good you are, it will all sink to failure multiple times! And no matter how feckless and stupid other people seem, they all get their moments. That's because it's all in play. Things get better, and then worse, and then better, and then worse. That's the gig here on planet Earth. And as we build out stories about these apparent "trajectories" and invest them with meaning, we secretly fear that the stories are false, and that nothing (gulp!) has any meaning.

The stories are false and nothing has any meaning. It's true. So, take it from Al: you just need to keep going. Wait it out! And the next time your stock rises, take a quick selfie atop the rollercoaster and pin that peak moment just before the grueling drop, while you're still brimming with buoyant exuberance. But you need to stay on the ride long enough to get there. Don't quit! Keep showing up!

I don't know much about Al's endgame, but few humans besides Alexander the Great die gloriously, so I assume he petered out in a bed somewhere with a wince of exertion followed by a sigh of surrender. Sweet dreams, Al. But that wasn't his pinned moment. It always goes south after you imagine you've arrived - because, yet again, it's all a dynamic churn. But Al, having never quit, could say he'd been the cool guy in the trombone section who became a jazz great.

At some point we all reach some semblance of a win. Not because the arc of the moral universe bends toward justice. Not because victory is what you truly deserve. And not because your outstanding attributes can't be ignored. That's all story-telling. No, it's just this: if you wait long enough your number eventually comes up (though seldom in the way you expected).

In truth, there are no wins; just flow. But if you must pretend to keep score, do so while the boat momentarily rises. Which requires staying on the damn boat! Heed the immortal Al Grey, and don't quit! Keep showing up!


“Wait by the river long enough and the bodies of your enemies will float by."
-- falsely attributed to Sun Tzu


Saturday, October 5, 2024

The Dead Ends of Shitty Mozart

Artists, even great ones - especially great ones! - abandon work constantly. It took me a very long time to shake the shame of unfinished projects and realize that dead-ends are an essential part of the process.

It's only a problem if literally nothing ever emerges. If so, you have one of two problems:

1. You suck
So commit a quintillion times harder! As I explained in my essay "Should You Go to Cooking School?",

"However good you are now, get way way better, and then, when you're certain you're good enough, get way way better still. And then get better. Finally, realize you absolutely suck and triple it. Don't wait for an authority figure to goad you into improvement. Make it happen as a matter of survival.

Not that this requires further clarification, but don’t stop improving when people around you start telling you you’re awesome. That happens at the beginning of this cycle. When friends and family start gasping in admiration, that means you’re like one single notch above completely sucking."
Or...

2. You don't recognize when your stuff is good
So work to develop more detached self-evaluation; come back later with a fresh eye; find a trusted sounding board; and/or learn to distinguish between a sloppy nth draft of a good idea and a crap idea.

The slop/crap distinction is huge for me. Everything I do starts embarrassingly bad (watch me write). As I bash and bash and bash to iterate my way out of my intrinsic shittiness, things eventually clarify. Either there's no "there" there (so I need to fix the thinking rather than the execution), or else I'm on to something that requires a trillion more cycles of improvement.
There was one human being whose every creative gesture was solid gold, and who never discarded anything (he never erased a note, from what I've heard): Wolfgang Mozart.

Don't expect to be Mozart! Settle for becoming Shitty Mozart. Shitty Mozart fakes being Mozart by keeping his non-Mozartian output well out of view (expect a ton of it!), and working his ass off to arduously produce an occasional fleeting semblance of what Mozart effortlessly dashed off.

You need two contradictory faculties: 1. The humility to recognize that you're not Mozart (so don't sweat the size of your reject pile), and 2. The conceitedness to try to fool people into thinking you're Mozart (by hiding your copious failure).

Actually being Mozart, alas, is not an option. So if any of this depresses you - if your dead-ends leave you feeling less than optimally productive - your first task is to accept that unavoidable fact, and then move forward to becoming a Shitty Mozart.

Monday, August 26, 2024

Greatness

I once did a fair bit of teaching of younger jazz players, mostly via seminars in Europe. Often I'd encounter someone with no perceptible swing feel - which is catastrophic. After an hour of hard work and pushing and carrying on, occasionally I might cajole one into swinging, which felt like a revelation, but I'd coach them straight through that threshold to something even higher. Not just swinging, but really swinging! And it was surprisingly common to see a few reach that lofty height...at least for a brief moment.

"Wait! Stop! Freeze!" I'd scream. "You heard what you just did, right? That was really swinging, and it felt super different, right?"

"You cannot ever go back. This isn't your new normal; it's your new baseline. You must never - even in your worst, sloppiest, most unguarded moment - swing any less than you just proved you can. If you hadn't just proved what you could do, you might have doubted your capability. But that was proof-of-concept, and it can no longer be doubted. You know how swinging you can be, so anything less from this point forward would be inexcusable."

"Failing to swing your ass off is now a capital offense. You can no longer protest that, hey, you were trying your best. Now that we know what your best really is, settling for less makes you a lazy, shitty, spoiled baby. You can't shrug off not swinging. Not anymore!"

How many of them powered up, proceeding at this higher level? Very few, of course. Most immediately dipped all the way back to their previous level; to their status quo. Not because greatness was too demanding or draining or challenging, but because they couldn't reframe themselves. Crappy unswinging mediocrity felt comfortable. It made them feel like themselves. It felt like home. Like their own comfy beds. Night night!



But every great once in a while, one would experience some internal snap (something must snap!). Reframing would happen, and they'd power up several levels, renouncing the fluffy pillows and blankets of mediocrity. Swinging hard became their new normal.

Those were the great ones. And this explains: 1. Why there are so few "great ones", and 2. What one needs to do to be great.

See "Why My Cooking Isn't Great"


Their greatness wasn't a matter of latent capability (aka "talent), or hard work (strictly speaking), or even the quality level of their result. It was about two things: reframing and commitment. The two things nobody looks at or worries about or talks about or aims for.

These things constitute the Dark Matter of the human universe, and that's what this Slog has mostly explored all these years.

Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Luiz Villas Boas: A Ultima Viagem

The film “Luiz Villas Boas: A Ultima Viagem” is debuting in Lisbon this week, about the father of Portuguese jazz (and an absolute force of nature), with whom I hung out on his final trip to NYC in 1994. Here's a brief trailer of the film.

The film's director (excellent trumpeter and old friend Laurent Filipe) included me in the footage, excerpted below. In quick succession, there's me telling my famous "Brooklyn Alphabet" joke in a cab on the Williamsburgh Bridge, orienting Luis from the Brooklyn promenade, blowing a cappella over "Body and Soul", and (off-camera) sitting in with my pal Walter "Baby Sweets" Perkins in the Skylark Lounge out by JFK airport, both sorely missed.



A mere three years later, I locked myself in a shabby apartment and sat down in front of a computer to create an online community (which a million people unexpectedly crowded into) and didn't emerge for nine years. Then picked up my horn and couldn't make a sound.


Search for Walter and for Skylark in old Slog postings for interesting tales. This black bar - the sort of joint where men wore nice hats - was perhaps the only place I ever felt fully at home. And Walter was the only drummer with whom I ever felt complete simpatico (here we are playing in Barcelona two years earlier). I'm actually not quite sure what I'm even doing here with both gone.

Monday, October 23, 2023

Recording Recommendation: "Play"

Bryan Murray is a terrific sax player and composer. For the past few years, he's gone to ground, developing a number of projects mostly involving his patented "Balto!"; a tenor sax rigged up in such a way that it's impossible to play coherently.
Though capable of great coherence, Bryan is a fan of self-compelled incoherence. It recalls the way Picasso started painting with childlike innocence. Except it's not at all innocent.
Bryan has an irrepressible sense of humor, and while he's never gone all the way into flat-out comedy music (humor is always in service of aesthetic expression), there's usually some hilarity involved. His last group was Bryan and the Haggards, a group of NYC downtown avant musicians posing as... Oh, wait, I wrote about them here once, in a posting about "Bands I Like":
It's a little complicated. NYC avant garde jazz guys formed a group to pay tribute to the music of Merle Haggard. But there's a shtick....they pretend they really are Merle's band (sans Merle), but took some bad acid before the gig. And this makes them sound a little like NYC avant garde jazz guys. So...it's basically jazz guys doing an impression of country guys making fun of jazz guys. Woozy-making, hilarious, and well-played. I liked their first record.
Since then, Bryan's been working to incorporate a profusion of unrelated strands into a cohesive whole, while overcoming a tough paradox. Being super-gifted, pretty much everything he does is worth listening to, which makes it hard to really develop stuff, especially since he values edge and spontaneity, which can dry up from over-working. What's the end point? When, exactly, do you deem it fit to release (especially if everything's "good")?
I have the opposite problem. My first drafts are utter moronic slop, which I painstakingly revise and endlessly rework, praying that when I release it into the wild, there will be no remaining trace of vomit, and readers will be fooled into imagining that I'm articulate and clear-headed.
He just released a recording where it all comes together, and he's done the thing that comes hardest for people for whom things come easily: he really really worked it. I'm afraid to ask how much; I suspect even he couldn't say. And to say that nothing's dried-up would be a vast understatement. It's supernally moist.

No seams show. It's integrated and organic and far more than the sum of its amazing parts. Bryan's also a budding abstract expressionist painter (he, too, is a fan of my hero Milton Resnick), and this is the first music I've ever heard that does the same thing a great abstract expressionist painting does.

I wrote the following review on the Bandcamp page (where you can listen and/or buy the digital album if you'd like). This is written for musicians and music geeks; sorry if some of the references are obscure:
Bryan has blown up some cheesy “jam-along” 80s thingee, slobbered it with avante honking-and-squawking, and machine-gunned it with non-contextual Grossmanesque intense harmonic shit (IHS). Plus snippets of some guy screaming and gobs of other stuff feathered in so delicately that I can't honestly remember a thing (even re-listening, it remains impossibly slippery). We've seen similar exploits from the fertile mind of Bryan Murray. The hilarity is here, the fiendish cleverness, and the mind-fuck of parodying chops via still more chops. Deliberately pointless nihilism somehow grows poignant, or groovy, in snaky, untrackable ways. Allegiances constantly shift. Cheesy backdrops turn sentient, then hip. But this time is different. "Play" is thoroughly unified. Worked to a fare-the-well. Murray's signature obsessions painstakingly organized and seamlessly interlaced, dovetailed, and air-brushed into a whole as richly immersive as a great abstract expressionist painting. When the recording ends and the spatter's cleaned up, you've experienced a single solid thing. Frame it as parody, and you'll be cajoled into taking it straight. Framed straight, you'll wonder why you're convulsing with laughter. Bryan's making fun of shit literally every second, but I dare you to hold on to that view, given that he's earnestly killing (the good kind of killing) with everything he's ripping to shreds as he rips it to shreds. This is 27 mins and 16 secs of yin and yang co-devouring. It’s funny, grooving, ridiculous, savage, satirical, touching, raw, repulsive, and catchy with no strand predominating. Trying to hear it any one way is as futile as focusing on the green in a Jackson Pollock. This isn't a recording, it's a *ride*. The uncommon polish applied to this adhoc frenzy ensures that attention is tightly grabbed and never released, even if, god help you, your player's set to repeat it all over and over and over and over. Welcome to madness. You're soaking in it. LET'S JAM AGAIN LATER!!
I'm trying to do something new with my writing. More on this next time.

Monday, August 28, 2023

Chowhounding IKEA

How shocked would you be to learn the potato chips at IKEA are very, very good? They're made from Red Bliss potatoes (like Terra Chips Red Bliss) and have nice, fresh, nutty sunflower oil flavor (unlike Terras, which are fried in olive oil, which, IMO, is the wrong fat).

No negatives. Go figure!

But let's live really dangerously and venture into the IKEA cafeteria.

The Perennial Lure of Miserable Meatballs

There's something deeply revelatory in how I - and perhaps you - misgauge the food [sic] at Ikea.

Whenever I shop there and feel forced to eat (by sheer famishment), I order meatballs. Because, you know, meatballs. That's the thing. The meatballs! And the meatballs are never good, and I inevitably conclude that Ikea sucks.

This time I did something bewildering. I somehow stifled my meatball urge. And that didn't leave many options, so I got the last thing you'd ever order at IKEA: a fat hunk of grilled salmon, plus mashed potatoes.

It was delicious. A solid "7" from my surprisingly non-ditzy system for rating foods (and other things) from 1 to 10.

So why is this "deeply revalatory"?

NPR Hates Fluffy Food Crap

At the height of Chowhound's success, I got a call from a producer of NPR's Morning Edition. She started off doing her level best to make herself obnoxious:

"We want to add some food content. Me, I'm pretty bored with food content on radio..."

I interrupted, understanding full well that, despite my eager agreement, this was not where she was headed (I'm essentially Bugs-Bunnying her):

"Me, too! Absolutely! Let's not do that! Let's find something amazing we can do instead of the usual fluffy crap!"

She was slightly thrown, but not much, and easily slid back on track.

"Yeah, right, they always say that, don't they? But, look, it's been decided to add some food content [eyeroll more than audible], and we figured we'd check in with you. Understand that we wouldn't use you MUCH. In fact, if it were up to me, we wouldn't do food at all. But this is what they want, so...[aggravated sigh]"

Ah, NPR! But I kept Bugs-Bunnying. It's what I do!

"Here's the weird thing. For all my extreme enthusiasm for other food cultures, and my eagerness to dine like a chameleon, I'm a breakfast jingoist. I like homefries and flapjacks. Strawberry preserves. Bacon. With this one single meal, I become Archie Bunker. Wouldn't it be interesting if..."

I was quick on my feet in those days.

"...I filed reports from breakfast locales - while your listeners are eating breakfast! - well outside my comfort zone? Uber-fishy Japanese breakfasts, stewy Egyptian fava beans, etc etc, and force myself to relate?

She heard me out, mostly due to to sheer confusion. And here was her response:

"Yeah. Well. We were thinking you might stop by like on Thanksgiving and like give us your thoughts on turkey. And on New Years, maybe your five food resolutions."

"But that is EXACTLY the usual fluffy food crap!!!"

"Yeah, well, having you on certainly wasn't MY idea..."

Let's diagram this:
I hate IKEA's meatballs.
Oh, meatballs, please!
Yup, and this is why I hate you.

Rinse and repeat.
Bandleaders Hate Tromboney Trombone Crap

Trombone is the Rodney Dangerfield of instruments. Nobody respects it, because while other instrumentalists improvise and delight, trombonists do their tromboney slurpy shtick. Like dancing circus ponies, it's not that they do it well, it's that they do it at all. Good on them for keeping up (sort of) with all that tubing and whatnot!

Me, I actually dug in and at least tried to play music, rather than trombone. Spontaneous! Expressive! Not solving tromboney puzzles, but telling stories which transcended the plumbing. Yet I often had trouble getting hired because I didn't sound like the usual trombonists - the trombonists bandleaders profess to hate.

They wanted those guys.

As with the NPR producer, the aversion is real, but incidental. If your band has an opening for trombone, you'll fill that opening, rationally enough, with a tromboney trombonist. Because that's what a trombone opening opens to!

Monday, August 7, 2023

Specialization

A musician friend who mastered a very difficult thing (Frank Zappa's notorious Black Page drum solo) complained to me that his family was unable to appreciate his achievement. To them, it was just yet more hitting of skins with sticks.

Here, fwiw, is Pablo doing his nerdily impossible thing:



I reminded him that this is normal. When a mathematician makes headway on a difficult theory, or an engineer solves some vexing problem, or a translator finds just the right phrase, none expect friends and family to applaud.

Mathematicians don't force their social and family groups to master the Navier-Stokes Existence And Smoothness Equation so they can join him at his level for dinner conversation. Off-duty engineers chat about their daughter's middle school grades and the family budget, not structural mechanics. People turn off their specializations and preoccupations while off work, becoming more generic - and thus more interactive - humans. That's how the world has always worked.

I, too, struggle to bear this in mind. The silent scattering of Slog readers have some notion of what I think about (though this is only my more accessible stuff). It seems abstruse and confusing for most people, though to me it's fiendishly simple (what's truly difficult are the internal Jenga towers of brooding discontent we whimsically fabricate and nurse as our Big Lifelong Project - not the observation that we do this).

I understand that it would be obnoxious and anti-social of me to derail conversations by debunking fallacious thinking, identifying frozen perspectives, etc. This is a big reason I made food my interface with humanity for a long while. Tacos and brownies, everyone can relate to. The other stuff populating my brain, not so much.

Whenever it feels lonely to keep it all to myself, I remember how unreasonable my drummer friend seemed, expecting his family to get it. He was missing a central truth; one I strive to remain in touch with.

Two differences between him and me, though. First, there are other drummers. He has some people he can talk to about the topic, and who'd emphatically applaud that video. My stuff is just me, alone. Second, while that sort of drumming, like advanced engineering, mathematics, translation, etc., has little to do with most people's day-to-day lives, the stuff I think about is right there, right now, underpinning it all.

Of course, a cosmologist or brain surgeon or linguist or particle physicist or auto mechanic or chemical engineer or endocrinologist might say the same thing.

Sigh.

I see how unreasonable it is to expect my ideas to be of interest to the portion of humanity that's not me - who are all-in on starring in epic narratives where they dodge fake slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. And I see that truth is as welcome as glaring house lights suddenly switching on mid-show, shocking dark-adapted eyes and spoiling the deliberate suspension of disbelief. But I haven't a clue how to make myself - the guy with insight on all that - useful.

I guess just keep gambling. Perhaps that's the only avenue for a 21st century deva. Sure, it's lonely and sparse, but much less so than standing around awaiting lost travelers in Himalayan snowstorms. I guess I've got it relatively good.


I appear to have lost my ability to pull off magic tricks here.

(It's a siddhi, which, btw, has a name: "saraswati", though don't bother googling; the Internet, as I've frequently noted, is both too icily academic and frothily soft-headed to deal soberly with metaphysical/yoga-ish topics.)

Used to be, I'd sit down and start writing and, after feverish work, things would more or less tie together, and a few bonus sprinkles (sprinkles!) of insight would be coughed up in the process (an unexpected gift ala Walter-the-bus-driver's bubblegum).

But lately, I find myself unable to tie strands together, and the insight arrives, to use a salad dressing analogy, on the side, rather than worked into the lettuce. And I can't get it into the lettuce. I keep writing and discarding; writing and discarding.

People in my family lose sharpness in their mid 60s, and while I'm only just 60, this Slog has always represented extreme over-achievement (read through this series, particularly, to see a poor shmuck boxing way, way, way above his weight class). Many readers strangely assume this is all idly tossed off, but, no, I need every single marble (and then some!) to pull this off. So even minor degeneration leaves me incapable.

Fitting in that "Deva" chunk, at the end, was the magic connection. It tied together, along with a couple sprinkles. This time it worked, and I hope it's not the last.


Saturday, July 22, 2023

Three Tony Bennett Stories

Gracious Freshness

I played with Tony just once, when he sang a set with Illinois Jacquet's big band at the Blue Note in Manhattan. At the end of the set, the audience, naturally, demanded "I Left My Heart in San Francisco". They weren't chanting it or anything, but they knew, we knew, and, above all, Tony definitely knew what was expected of him.

By this point, I was pretty hooked into the collective mind of the band (they were, after all, my peer group: 80 and 90 year old black dudes). I sensed, and shared, the consensus: "Aw, the poor bastard!"

We all knew the song was his albatross, of course, but this wasn't even his own gig. He hadn't even sung a full concert. And I'm quite sure he wasn't getting paid. Yet the audience wasn't going to let him out of there without obediently performing his little tap-dance - that stupid sentimental novelty song of little musical value which no one actually likes.

The song pattern matches to the guy, that's all. You don't want or need to hear it. Nobody does. But it's mentally associated with the name "Tony Bennett", and Tony Bennett was right there. So, of course, all is not right until he does his Tony Bennett thing (which is not at all Tony Bennett's thing, but everyone else's Tony Bennett thing).

He was gracious about it. Tony, after all, was the exemplar of graciousness. It's got to be weird to be at the top of your profession, 74 years old (at the time), and worth hundreds of millions of dollars and still be forced to dance, varmint, dance everywhere you go. But, from the band eye's view, he was - there is no other word - gracious.

The next thought waving through the communal band mind was "Poor Richard!" The great Richard Wyands was our pianist, and this Tony thing was all impromptu. We weren't working off of music parts. And "San Francisco" has all sorts of very specific and tricky little piano elements, none of which can be missed. And while Richard knows every goddamn song in the jazz and standards playbooks, this one, we all realized with a collective gulp, was outside his perimeter. It's not something he'd be called upon to play on a gig, though even the most grimly unmusical audience member knew every single note like their own face in the mirror. Plus, our bandleader was a raging bucket of irrational sadistic fury known by one and all in the jazz world (though, dear god, never to his face) as "The Beast". So, yeah, there was a wee bit of pressure on poor Richard, who prefers to project an image of cooly elegant authority.

Richard, pro that he is, survived the obstacle course (we heard his shattered nerves but the audience did not). And Tony sang his ass off. While this was my only data point from behind the guy, I took away the unassailable impression that he sang the song fresh.

I can't explain to you what that meant, in terms of actual notes. I'm not saying he broke into some merry bit of scat-singing to make This Time Different. He obligingly sang the song the way his audience (aka his captors) needed it sung. But he sang it fresh. Musicians - especially musicians sitting behind you - know the difference.

Inspirational!

Oxygen-Sucking Karaoke

I had once sat in an identical rear-facing position to the great singer Joe Williams, who'd risen to fame with Count Basie's orchestra.


Notice how Joe holds himself. That's a horn player mentality
- all about the music, not the show biz. To contemporary eyes, it looks wrong.
Why is he not shucking and jiving?!?


After having backed a ton of singers in a ton of contexts, Joe was the first (and last) who wasn't doing karaoke. Most singers suck all the oxygen in the room, leaving the band as their wallpaper. They, alone, are performing, while we're MSPs, music service providers. Like Teamsters brought in to work the musical equipment. Think MRI technicians.

Playing behind Joe was like playing with a musician. Again, I can't explain this in terms of notes. But he locked in with us, it wasn't just us locking in with him. He was in the band, not just backed by the band.

Tony wasn't like this (though I'm sure he, too, loved Joe Williams). He was an oxygen-sucker - which is one reason he died with $200 million, while I assume Joe left a twelve year old Cadillac and a reasonably nice house. But he was such a great oxygen sucker that it was impossible to criticize. The set was so musical that it didn't need to be musical on musicians' terms. Sometimes the suboptimal, done extraordinarily well, is as good as (or even better than) optimality.

Triumphant Reconnection

It's very late in my music career. I may have already started Chowhound. I am out of practice, but my old high school bandmate, Brian, calls in a panic. A trombone player cancelled out of his big band's gig that night, and Brian needed a last minute replacement. Would I do him the favor?

The gig was way out on Long Island, but, by coincidence, so was I at that moment. No time to run home to get my horn, but Brian runs a music store, so I asked him to bring his best student rental trombone to the gig, and I'd fill in.

The horn was a monster. The slide barely moved, the tuning slide was jammed (so everything needed to be played 1% sharp to compensate). It was essentially unplayable, but I'd make it work.

I've told the story of playing a terrible Dixieland gig in terrible physical condition with a terrible band in a vacant field in some obscure corner of rural Spain on three hours sleep, and one of the most important figures in the business of jazz (who, egads, knew me) was improbably present for the performance. Now it was years later, and I thought I'd learned my lesson, but as the band tuned up (I opted out, as my instrument was literally un-tuneable), we learned that Tony Bennett would be enjoying dinner in this cheesey Long Island steakhouse. He'd be present to hear my high school friend's semi-professional big band with me on a student trombone incapable of producing, well, notes. Fun!

Brian is a very nice guy and an excellent musician, though he never broke out of the provincial Long Island scene, or the square swingy music we'd played together in high school. So he did what a very nice guy in those circumstances does: arranged a big feature for me. Naturally, I'd be soloing over Cherokee, the fastest song there is.

"No! NO, Brian! Do not make me play Cherokee with this terrible trombone with Tony Bennett watching me! Please don't...."

"Ladies and gentleman, it is my great pleasure to introduce an old schoolmate of mine...."

"NO!!!!! Brian, DON'T!!!!!"

"...an honor to have him..."

"Ok, ok, but PLEASE, for the love of god, Brian, don't remind him who I...."

"You may have heard him perform with Illinois Jacquet's band!"

From this point forward, I did not once look in Tony Bennett's direction. I somehow got through the extended solo, standing in a spotlight in front of the band, struggling to operate my unmusical instrument. At one point, Brian generously directed the rhythm section to stop for an entire chorus so I could play a cappella. I'd pronounce it mortifying, but some benevolent force inside my brain - who even knew there even was a benevolent force inside my brain? - has erased all specific memory.

Anyhoo, that was the last time I was in a room with Tony Bennett.


Sorry. That last one was a bit of a shaggy dog story, I know. Not the heart-warming pay-off you were expecting to mark the death of a major icon. But, hey, it's music biz stuff (Tony'd have gotten a kick out of it). Remember the time the greatest orchestral trombonist of his time, Ron Barron, utterly butchered the solo in Ravel's Bolero?

Sunday, June 25, 2023

Shitty Pizza and Wynton Marsalis



Shitty Pizza

Sometime in the 1980s, New York City slice pizza began sucking. It was an open secret that the mob was forcing everyone to buy their supplies - gluey, tasteless cheese and sweet, pasty sauce. Or else.

A very few bastions enjoyed exemptions for various reasons. Others bought the crap ingredients and threw them away so they could use proper fixings (explaining the puzzlingly high prices in, ahem, certain beloved pizzerias). There sprung up a profusion of "brick oven" places ("no slices!") desperate to work around the monopoly.

No one, to my knowledge, has ever mentioned this in print since a couple brave souls mumbled a few things in the early 1980s (and no one's ever made that last connection, ever). In fact, there was a time when I'd have taken a substantial risk in writing this. You can scour the Internet, and mum's pretty much the word. Which leaves me seeming like a raving paranoid loony.

Because, at this point, the company, which still dominates NYC slice pizza supplies, is considered terrific by foodies who know none of this history. Their crap ingredients are widely considered the good stuff. The serious providers from the 1970s, of course, are all long gone and forgotten.

I feel gaslit. So many of us watched, forlorn, as quality sharply dropped, but, decades later, all is well, and foodies far and wide crow about how FANTASTIC New York City slice pizza is.


Wynton Marsalis

When Wynton Marsalis first came to prominence in the early 1980s, nearly the entire jazz community despised his playing. Despite his connection to a father (Ellis Marsalis) with impeccable jazz credentials, Wynton played like, well, a conservatory-trained white dude. Slick and superficial. No soul. No swing. Remarkable virtuosic chops (technique), for sure, but jazz is about feel, not the showing off of instrumental skills. I remember when Wynton began to pretend to miss notes - intentionally - in order to sound less slick. Yikes. He fooled audiences, but certainly not musicians.

Wynton went on to attain a position of such pivotal power that few musicians and writers would bad-talk him. You can find rather strident anti- commentary from the 1980s (and this fabulous on-the-money analysis by Keith Jarrett), but criticism went suddenly silent around 1996 when Wynton assumed leadership of Lincoln Center Jazz. In fact, I sound weirdly cranky saying any of this. What sort of jazz lover dislikes Wynton Marsalis?

Wynton never got any better. But, at this point, most people both inside and outside the music view him as the consummate jazz musician. Irreproachable. The real deal.


If you don't like New York City slice pizza, you don't like pizza. And if you don't like Wynton Marsalis, you don't like jazz. It's "category" stuff, and there's logic there. When your baseline is nonexistent, the relevence of your opinion is zero.

I'm the one out of synch! I like so few NYC slices, and so little jazz, that I'm barely an edge case in either realm...despite loving both as fervently as any human alive.

Why does every cultivated and refined film critic occasionally single out a mass market movie or two to champion? Because if you hate them all, that means you hate movies, and no one will hire a film critic who hates everything but a weak stream of foreign and indie productions hardly anyone knows about.

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