Thursday, March 29, 2018

Get Computer Glasses NOW

Listen to me carefully.

If you're of the age where you wear bifocals/progressives, and/or you often need to take off your glasses (and/or put on new ones) to read, and/or you've ever sat down at your computer and seen nothing but an alarming Big Blur until you could arduously manage to focus in:

Buy computer glasses.

I don't really understand what that means or exactly what these do, except they're not normal glasses, and they're not reading glasses, and you can't use them for anything besides computer work.

But they are a choral triumph of blazing grandeur from God (capitalized!). Aside from that, words fail. I can't express to you what I'm experiencing right now, or how I regret years of needless suffering. I just want to sit here and peer at my screen. I may read a novel on my screen. On my screen. On my screen.

Between my new regular glasses and these computer glasses, I'm out a sum of money that could have bought dozens of meals. I've been extorted and raped, my wallet strip-mined by smug opticians in fake white smocks, and I've been left, non-myopic, to rot in some nameless gutter. And yet I say to you: get computer glasses. Don't "research" them. Get them. Go get them. Now. Stand up, walk out, and get them. Now. Go get computer glasses. You need computer glasses. Up you go. Go buy glasses. Computer glasses. Now. Right now. Make it happen. Do the thing. Straighten up and fly right. Don't delay. Go do it. Start walkin', yes indeed. You want this. You need this. You're doing it. There you go. Excellent! Stop reading. I mean it. Time's wasting. Go get some computer glasses. Man, you're gonna love your new computer glasses. Why wait? Don't! Go do it now. You'll have them soon. You're reading right now without glasses, and my whole point here is to not do that! Are you not understanding me? Stop reading! Go get computer glasses!

Also, get anti-glare coating.

Update: See discussion here.

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