Some Real Talk About Face-Eating Hyenas

The people wielding the face-eating hyena may laugh and laugh as it eats peoples’ faces, but it’s just the strangest thing how surprised they look when their faces eventually, inevitably, get eaten.

Martin Niemöller put it much more elegantly, but this way’s more visceral. If your darkest instincts ever push you toward hyena ownership, resist. Satisfy yourself with milder punishment for your perceived opponents and oppressors.


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If, for instance, you support a leader who you consider "a psycho, sure, but OUR psycho!!", consider whether that might be immoderate punishment for the opponents and oppressors. Consider, also, the unpredictability of psyschos. Consider that disturbed people can't straighten themselves out to rise to occasions. They have no better nature. Their main thing is face-eating.

A large chunk of America (right and left both) polls as being ok with autocracy, so long as the autocrat was ON THEIR SIDE. Let's set aside the entire founding concept of the United States of America for a sec and just examine the brass tacks.

The basic deal of autocrats is that you surrender your power to them. So if they suck, you can't get rid of them. You have submitted. So if/when they try to eat your face (because that's their main thing), goodbye face.

Also, who comes after? Don't imagine you'd have a say in the matter, after surrendering your power. The autocrat's son might be super-dumb - and/or extra hungry for your particular face - and you can't do a damned thing, because autocrats (and their offspring) don't work for you, you work for them.

Much of the nation would welcome a face-eating hyena ON THEIR SIDE; i.e. who parroted their tribal signifiers and talking points. Such people haven't thought it through very well. But here's a simple adjustment to avoid getting your face eaten: satisfy yourself with milder punishment for your perceived opponents and oppressors. Don't play with power tools. Don't go to "11". Even if you're really super riled up about whatever. If you tell yourself that you want to see it all burn, hold a lighter under your hand, then readjust your vision.

If that was too much "philosophizing," here's one word to suck on (while you still have a face with which to suck): RESTRAINT.