Matching Social Ante

Imagine someone aloof, selfish, petty, and peevish, who always carefully observes the social graces. "Good morning" and "Excuse me". And not just "Thank you", but “Thank you very much.” Woah.
He’d never just blurt a text message. There’s always a formal greeting. “Good morning! I sincerely hope you’re well! If I may, regarding the hedge clippers....”

In his mind, he's paid his social ante. No asshole he! He does the things! The goodness things! He's ticked the boxes, so what more could we ask of him?

Christians are saved by declaring belief in Jesus. Others are saved by courteous statements of greeting. Incantations are not a relic of the past! We still have magic words!

Of course, none of us benefit much from such courtesies. In fact, it's cumbersome to wait out the performative box-ticking by people absolving their general dickishness via empty formality. But, of course, none of it is for us. It’s all just preening into mirrors (we don’t recognize this because we’re way too narcissistic to grasp how narcissistic everyone is).

But here's the interesting part. We are compelled to mirror that box-ticking! If you were to informally blurt via text message to a formal text messager, that would place you beyond the pale (it's perfectly logical, given that text message formality is the thing keeping that person within the pale!)

Deft sociality compels us to 1. determine a person's social ante and 2. diligently match it, per normal gaming ante convention.

If Martin Shkreli makes careful eye contact while hand-shaking, you'd best consistently do likewise, or he'll think you a monster. And Vladimir Putin, who annexes peaceful neighbors and once brought an immense dog into a negotiation with canine-phobic Angela Merkel, prides himself on flawless conversational politeness. A class act! If you don't match it, that would make you an absolute barbarian even if you boast a near-perfect record of not slaughtering innocent civilians and stuffing their bodies into mass graves or impoverishing your own nation by stealing more wealth than you could ever imaginably hope to use.