Wednesday, October 16, 2024

Jealousy

To know you're good at something, watch for jealousy, not praise.

Jealousy is visceral. It requires no thought or consideration. Some people instinctually clench upon observing someone doing well. The glandular system doesn't lie!

It's all well and good if you can delight in the miserable tightness you've provoked. People who do things to gain notoriety (most singers don't start out wanting to sing; they start out wanting to be singers) are comfortable with this bundle of reactions: seeming elevation, punctuated by the pained snarls of the seeming Defeated.

Karma yogis, who do things well merely to do things well and not to be recognized as That Person Who Does Things Well (or, worse, as That Person Who Does Things Well Merely To Do Things Well), are terribly confused by jealousy. "Wait," we think, "I wanted to delight them! Why are they so unhappy?"

Praise, by contrast, is entirely unreliable. People have a wide range of reasons for offering praise which have nothing to do with the quality of the thing they're praising. Praise that's both genuine and savvy is extremely rare, because the savvy are occupied with drumming up praise for their own activities in their savvy realm. They're not here for you.

We mostly praise the oft-praised. It's all incubated in a mindless echo chamber - even authoritative praise. For example, while journalism is supposed to be a taste-making medium, it's the antithesis. To garner press attention, you need to have received press attention. It operates in the same flocking manner as ad-hoc praise. (For a visceral sense of how journalists flock and echo, check out some of the early press from Chowhound, which reads like it came out of the same typewriter.)

Anointment is an illusion. We falsely assume some meritocratic process deliberately elevates cream, despite the scarcity of cream amid the frantic elevation. If it worked that way, I wouldn't have spent a decade cajoling people to seek out and evangelize great stuff. Such efforts are counter to the normal way of things, like salmon swimming up-river. Chowhound's now a distant memory, and even those who remember it fondly seem happy taking cues from the greased chutes of manufactured conventional wisdom, aka trendiness. Flocking and echoing are a horrendously cheap substitute for active discernment.

Once the crowd cheers, the press follows the crowd. You're covered not because you deserve it, but because you're an on-radar phenomenon, and press reports the radar. This is why recognition goes to the recognized. By the time you receive it, you won't particularly need it.

It is no one's job to tell people about people doing great things, including the people whose job it is to tell people about people doing great things. And individuals aren't generous enough - nonconformist enough - to clear their throats and speak up, amid silence, to announce their appreciation. And those savvy enough to fully recognize quality are busy with oppressive slogs of their own.
It's a booting paradox. Starting a computer is a tricky wicket because it requires computation, and if the computer's not yet started....well, you see the issue. One "boots" a computer because the process is akin to pulling oneself up by one's own bootstraps.
So...long before you've bootstrapped your way to praise (like training a parrot!), while remaining at the point where people enjoy what you do but can't find the generosity to tell you they're enjoying it, and no critical mass of nonconformists has broken the silence to spark a praise cycle, the odd grinding noise will come from jealous people - your only reliable confirmation - grinding their molars, if not their knives.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

What is the old saying, 'some people just don't know how to take a compliment'. The other old adage of 'not reading one's own press'. Many people liking a thing like a movie, a work of Art, or some beverage (IPA's, lol) or nouvelle cuisine because they are afraid of not liking it ( off topic ). The receiver of the praise is hard wired to feel something good even if they know they are not deserving of the praise i.e. 'we are our own worst critics'. Or the religious who always deflect praise and thank Jesus.

Jim Leff said...

Believe it or not, I side with the “deflect praise and thank Jesus” camp.

I'm not saying that's the best-case scenario, but it's way better than anything you just offered, or the options I ran through, above. See quote #4 here: https://jimleff.blogspot.com/2021/06/quotations.html

HOWEVER, I can't always tell if I'm on the right track, or totally deluded, or frittering away my time. So for me, savvy, genuine praise would help, if it were attainable (and applicable!).

Put yourself in my shoes a sec. After a lifetime of being really productive, I’ve been reduced to semi-incoherent navel-gazing, rambling into a blog which nobody reads….OR (very different framing!) I'm devising astounding insights - credible solutions to perennial mysteries - and leaving them as a breadcrumb trail for hypothetical future visitors. Or somewhere in the middle. Or none of the above. How the hell would I know?

I don't want to know so I can thump my chest and feel terrific. I don’t crave reassurance or encouragement. It’s that without a speck of feedback, I’m unsure whether I’m under-aspiring and under-delivering. You’d be surprised how hard it is to tell.

Alas, most praise is disconnected and un-useful anyway. So I take solace in occasional bursts of jealousy which periodically arise. It’s all I’ve got, even if it gives me the willies.

Anonymous said...

I certainly do put myself in your shoes. I am following those breadcrumbs. I am only critical when it comes to politics, and that is just old ego reflex stuff. I really thought I knew what I was talking about back in the day, I was Ultra , ultra Mega. I do not give a shit anymore. I for one after years of politics find it hollow. Like it is just a game being played on people. I will be honest I thought the AI conversation you had was a bit crazy, but who cares. I check the slog everyday. Your work is very important to me. And as an old friend of yours who always enjoyed your company it is a nice way of getting to hang out. It is good to know you are out there.

Jim Leff said...

It does not escape my notice that the few serious MAGAs who read along have continued to read along, even though I call their dude horrible names and generally rage over and shit upon everything they hold politically dear.

Contrast with progressives who've lashed out and stomped away because I've thoughtfully pointed out problems I have with their ideology (see comment here: https://jimleff.blogspot.com/2024/08/harris-price-control-proposal.html).

This is an age-old (historical!) self-own move by extremists on the Left, who live to push away moderates. Right wing extremists also do so (consider "primarying"), but nowhere near as malevolently. Elon Musk was a flighty gassy non-political doofus, hanging in the wind and saying stupid stuff, until the Left latched onto some of the stupid stuff, marked him as a Monster, attacking him with remarkable and sustained savagery, finally pushing him firmly into the embrace of Planet MAGA, whereupon those guys all screamed "See??? We knew it!!!!".

Me, I'm old enough and un-reactive enough not to let myself be pushed the other way. I stay in the center and accept the stabs. The center must hold, etc etc, yada yada.

Anyway, I do appreciate your forbearance.

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