This represents just part of a broad spectrum of bad behavior I feel compelled to accept. I watched my mother make awful decision after awful decision as she aged, while her confidence - and her derision toward my smart, compassionate input - only climbed. It occurred to me, like a bell ringing, that she's allowed. We all are. This is a matter of basic human respect. We viscerally feel that love compels drastic intervention when, in fact, it compels something much more challenging: restrained tolerance.
Every one of us is entitled to be wrong, counterproductive, toxic, self-destructive, demented, blinkered, and all the rest. We’re free to stroll obliviously off of cliffs, even as our friends scream in alarm. This isn’t edge-case stuff for losers or elders. It's a basic proposition of human sociality.
If I can insert a word of wise council, I'll certainly do so, never insisting on compliance. But I never interject in my own self defense. It would be disrespectful overstep and, worse, it's low-priority. With nearby cliffs to holler about, we must choose our battles!
A former friend of mine became an airline pilot despite having the emotional control of a disturbed toddler. I did say a gentle word to him a few years ago, and there is a non-zero chance, as he continues to endlessly curdle and fester on that atrocity, that he may one day hunt me down and strangle me. I don’t regret my gentle word—someone needed to say something before he endangered multitudes. But I won't "fix" his hatred, nor should I. It is a matter of basic human respect and courtesy to graciously allow others to dislike or even hate me for no good reason.
A few weeks ago, I wrote this related thought:
If someone has a wrong idea about you—about something you said, did, or thought—you might, with effort, convince them otherwise. Maybe!
But here's the problem: we exalt our assumptions and opinions, even when they're whimsical. They outweigh even provable truth. So after all the explaining, you won't have cleared yourself. You'll have been given a reprieve. They'll frame it like forgiveness. They've forgiven your transgression...this time!
So the next time you offend, confuse, or simply trigger another wrong conclusion, you’ll be treated as a repeat offender. No more benefit of the doubt for you, mister.
I no longer correct people. Whatever wrong thing they're thinking about me, they can hold on to it. I don't exhaust myself playing whack a mole.
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