This tight, ungracious, grim, uninteresting, self-centered little guy had offered absolutely nothing in terms of social interaction. But that was the last thing he had in mind, because he felt he deserved his movie moment from me just because. The notion of earning his way was totally alien for him.He offered nothing.
I keep meeting people (Americans, not Portuguese) who offer nothing. They have their little shtick, the Character They're Playing — cloned off some familiar roleplay we've all seen in movies or TV. But you can wait all day and they won't say anything interesting or smart or funny or kind or distinctive or useful. They just present character, imagining this perfectly sufficient for a social win.
"I'm Kenneth. I have nothing extra to offer you (and, really, who are you to expect anything from me, anyway?). I offer you a moment of Kenneth, and that's quite enough. So, cool, we're friends now, right?"
No, Kenneth. There are 8 billion people with whom I coexist, and while I wish them all well, and if there's some emergency I'll pitch in, but they don't become significant to me (or to any other individual) by virtue of being them. They must clear the extremely low bar of being something above/beyond the raw state of "I'm Kenneth."
How did our society lose the ability to imagine earning one's way, to any degree and in any fashion? Where did this entitlement come from? How did Americans get the notion that they are each very special; that simply being themselves is not merely "good enough', but downright wonderful?
Fred Fucking Rogers.
Having focused on the odd concern that Americans lack self-esteem, he kindled it to a degree where generations who've never heard of the guy have been convinced, by the echoes he left in our culture, that JUST BEING ME IS GOOD ENOUGH.
It's really not. One needs to show up with an ability to say or do interesting or smart or funny or kind or distinctive or useful things. Merely presenting character — a rendition of some prefab personality type — is...okay. You deserve all the perqs of membership in the human race, and no one should persecute you or deny your basic dignity. And that's a lot!
But it's not, in and of itself, wonderful, regardless of what Mr. Rogers and this post-Rogerian culture have led us to believe. You need to try; to contribute above and beyond your raw undeveloped you-ness. We are not entitled to love or fascination for merely showing up. It's not sufficient to hover in a no-effort raw state while expecting all the prizes.
I'm not saying Fred Rogers was malign. He was a very nice man, trying to comfort scared children. I'm claiming he was horribly naive, and failed to think through the adult consequences — which have been abysmal. And while he is obviously not solely responsible, I really think he played a significant part in creating this predicament.
I've made this same argument once before, but wanted to try again freshly to try to connect it with last week's observations about entitlement.
Focusing specifically on the low-effort aspect, see also "Why Aunt Marge Can't Be Just Marge".
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