Marriage Paradoxes

Again and again, I notice that marriages (and other long relationships) are very frequently the opposite of how they appear.

The hapless, loopier-seeming one is usually the rock.

The stoic, competent-seeming one is usually the anguished basket case.

The quiet, gentler one is usually the dominator.


These observations are most reliably true for longer-term relationships (where there's time for roles to settle in - and for outsiders to observe evidence of the true dynamics). But I don't think it's that long-term relationships become like this; it's that relationships like this are the ones which survive to the long term. These dynamics, in other words, appear to be the foundation of compatibility.