Thursday, March 24, 2022

Health Tip for Guys Over 40

There's no reason to read this plumbing-related posting unless you're a middle-aged guy. Seriously: everyone else, stop reading now.

Here's a Martin Short quip from Steve Martin's AFI Life Achievement Award (it's a great 5 minute video, don't miss it).
"I knew Steve when his urologist still thought it was safe for him to wear white suites in public."
That's a joke only men of a certain age will get. They've discovered that each decade added precisely one drop to their post-urination dribble. By age 50, it becomes problematic, no matter how diligently you endeavor to clear your line, so to speak. It's nothing like incontinence; just minor sloppiness that's maddeningly unavoidable. It's one of the indignations of aging, but this one's easily fixed.

Urologists do have a countermeasure, but they explain it poorly. I think I can do a better job, while staying within a PG rating.

Imagine a length of garden hose. The front half is visible, draped over a small bundle, while the other half extends downward hidden from view, retracted into some sort of housing. If you shake the visible half to clear the hose, you're neglecting the other section. That's the problem. You need to clear the entire length.

Here's what you do. When you finish peeing, reach with thumb and index finger through that euphemistic bundle (taking care not to painfully poke its sensitive contents) to access the less publicly-visible length of hose (you likely never realized it was user-accessible!). And, from there, easily coax residual liquid up into the visible part and out the end.

Expect no torrent. Just those dastardly 4 or 5 drops. Voila. Clear hose, full hearts, can't lose. Carpe diem, bro.

It takes a bit of practice, but you can learn to execute this as a swiftly discrete move in-the-fly, as it were.

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