Don't Get Back to Me with ANY Questions!

Continuing the recent string of postings about the odd disjoint between fake/posing/seeming vs authenticity...

People who make a habit of telling other people "Don't hesitate to get back to me with any questions!", or other such effusive offers of help, tend to be oddly unhelpful and unsolicitous. Over time, and the sheer weight of aggregated life experience, I've come to ignore such statements. I subconsciously register them as reverse indicators of helpfulness. And I now understand it all completely.

People who say that stuff want to think of themselves (and want you to think of them) as helpful. They want to seem helpful. One does this by declaring one's helpfulness. Saying the thing and acting the part. Hey, I'm Helpful Guy!

Of course, when it comes to actually answering a bunch of stupid questions from some asshole, that's a whole other thing. Who has time for that? You can get away with asking one or two questions (which will be answered carelessly), but do not test this person's patience. She's helpful-seeming, not genuinely helpful.

I'm genuinely helpful (I have plenty of grave and pitiful faults, btw; list available upon request). I have friends who are solicitous, as well. We're here to help! There are many of us, but you don't notice because we're not making a big deal about it. We don't announce it.

It would never, ever occur to me to tell someone they can ask me questions. It goes without saying! Of course you can ask me questions! But genuinely helpful people don't announce themselves as open for question-answering. We don't make an effort to seem helpful, because our energy goes into helping, not seeming helpful. We don't contrive to seem like the sort of people we actually are. Who does that?

People who strive to seem helpful are never actually helpful. They just have an interest (commercial, personal vanity, etc) in appearing that way.


Most singers become singers because they want to be singers, not because they want to sing.